


We're so good (together)

by Sauffie



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Music, Musician!Mike
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-06 11:05:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 30,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1855747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sauffie/pseuds/Sauffie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harvey Specter is a NYC hot shot lawyer.<br/>One day he receives a letter from a record company regarding music rights.<br/>And it's a huge blast from the past.</p><p>EDIT: I'm not going to continue this one... It will stay on because it was my first shot at writing fics and it will always hold a special place in my heart for that but I know it's crap and it would need so much editing to be somewhat decent... Thanks a lot for reading if you have or still want to!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blast from the past

**Author's Note:**

> Guys. I've been reading almost every single fic there is on AO3 and this is my 1st shot at writing. I've just been having this idea in my head and couldn't find any fic to fill my need so here it is...  
> English is not my native language and this is not beta'd (i'd love for anyone to volonteer :D).  
> I really hope you like it. Please let me know in the comments.

Harvey has been staring at the piece of paper for hours now.

« _Please contact Michel Martin regarding a matter of music rights_ »

That’s what it is signed with. It also says Michel Martin is a lawyer for EMC Recording, one of the biggest recording company in the world.

The music the official missive refers to is basically a song by Infinite Loop, a new and already very popular rock band.

Harvey has heard of them, of course he has. Everybody knows their lastest hit, "We’re so good (together)".

Three weeks prior to receiving the letter, on a Friday night, after a busy and frustrating week at work, he had come home, changed and settled in the couch with a beer and a bag of pretzels (yes, pretzels, that’s what incompetent associates can do to you).

He had wanted to watch a game but the 1st channel he got to was broadcasting the MTV Music Awards and they were awarding Band of the year. Harvey was 38 but he prided himself in being able to land younger lovers because he was young at heart. And knowing the band of the moment and being up to date with today’s music (though he did not listen to any of it) was requitted.

« _And the award for Band of the Year goes to…_ »

He thought he recognized one of the actors from a movie he’d seen with a boring date last year. The guy was holding an envelope with the winner’s name and holding his breath before spilling it :

« _Infinite Loooooooooop !_ »

The crowd went cheering and the members of the band, 4 men, climbed the little steps seperating the front row from the stage. They gathered around the microphone, the actor Harvey recognized handing them the trophee. One of the members turned to face the crowd to probably say his thank yous.

That’s when Harvey’s heart litteraly stopped beating.

« _Wow. I wanna say thank you from all of us to all of our fans, our management team, EMC Recording… Thank you MTV ! I’m sorry i’m not good at that, i mean, we’re overwhelmed, this is so big !_ »

He holds the golden trophee in the air.

« _Our first moonman ! Thank you thank you !_ »

Then the 4 men waved and left the stage. Ok. Breathe. Harvey couldn’t believe what he’d seen. Blue eyes were the same. Hair a little bit longer. Body a little less slim, definately stronger. Same huge grin and fast-talking. This was Mike, his very first love, his Harvard best friend. Mike. In a band.


	2. The lawyer and the heartthrob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos !  
> Once again, i hope this is any good. I'm having fun writing it and i hope my english is ok. Please let me know if there is anything completely dumb i should change :).  
> If any of you would beta, i would be eternally grateful.  
> Let me know what you think.

Harvey Specter is a senior partner at Pearson Hardman, has been in the firm for seven solid years, and is on his way to becoming a name partner. It's only a matter of two or three years, really. He is a winner, can’t stand losing and the best way to ensure victory is to not having to defend a case in front of a jury. So he negociates for a living. He has been dubbed New York’s best closer. He is damn proud of it. And damn good at his job.

His life is what he wants it to be, or at least what he tells himself he wants it to be.

Morning fitness sessions, long hours at the office, victories leading to celebratory sex, 6 days a week. This little routine he has created (with the help of his ever-present and precious secretary and friend, Donna) totally fits the three principles he has long ago decided were going to lead his life : do NOT care (no love, no pity, no compassion, no attachment, those only ending in hurting), do NOT get involved (apart from his penthouse and suits, he doesn’t buy anything, he _rents_ cars, pretty boys and girls, hotel nights when on – what’s it called ? – ah yeah, holidays) and do NOT look back.

But before he became Harvey Specter, closer extraordinaire, he was a high school douche and then a Harvard Law student.

He met Michael Ross at Harvard. 

\--------------------------

Several weeks prior to actually attending classes, the newbies, divided into small groups of 8 to 10 students, were given a tour of the school during which a future graduate or alumnus would explain the rules and show them around the old buildings.

Harvey was dutifully looking at the printed booklet they had all been given and taking notes when he noticed that one of the students in his group, wearing a blue cap and glasses, didn’t seem to be paying much attention to the guide. He looked awfully younger than the rest of them.

“ _Already seen the place ?”_ ,he asked him, whispering.

“ _Hm, what ?”_ ,Blue cap said, startled.

Harvey smiled. He really wasn’t paying attention at all.

“ _You’re not reading the guideline and you seem to be deep in your thoughts, so I guess you already visited the place since you don’t seem be to be listening either ?_ ”, he replied.

“ _I, uh, I already read the booklet. And the guy is boring the hell out of me._ ", Blue cap smiled. “ _I’m Mike, by the way._ ”

He offered his hand to shake. Harvey did and raised an eyebrow.

“ _You’ve already read it ? I’m Harvey._ ”

Mike nodded and blushed at the firm handshake.

Their guide looked at them with a questioning look and cleared his throat.

Harvey’s cheeks flushed a tiny bit and he looked down at his booklet.

 

The rest of the orientation went smoothly and the small groups were let go for lunch before a meeting for those who would be living in the dorms planned at 2’.

“ _So, Mike, would you like to grab a bite ?_ ”, Harvey asked, folding his pen and booklet in his brand new briefcase.

“ _Sure. But I gotta be back at two to visit the dorms._ ”, Mike replied.

“ _Yeah, me too anyway. Wanna try that pizza place the guide told us about ?_ ”

Mike took his wallet out of his pocket and started counting his change.

“ _Don’t worry about it, it’s on me. Come on, it’s past noon already._ ”, Harvey said, heading for the main entrance.

Mike mumbled a thank you and followed.

\------------------------

Their friendship had quickly turned into bestfriendship and then into love.

They were always pushing each other, making sure they both nailed the exams, spending long hours studying in the library and making up cases they had to resolve.

Harvey smiled fondly at the memory when he turned off the TV right after Infinite Loop left the stage. He went to retrieve his iPad from his briefcase and opened Safari.

He typed “Infinite Loop” in Google and pressed “Search”.

He clicked on their Wikipedia page and started to read. 

“ _Infinite Loop is an American rock band based in Boston, consisting in Mike Ross (lead singer and guitar), Harold Gunderson (bass guitar), Gegory Boone (drums) and Neal Caffrey (back up singer, piano and violin). They signed with EMC Recording after forming in 2002._ ”

He then proceeded to click on “Mike Ross” to look at his page.

“ _Michael James Ross, born 9 may 1980 in New York (age 34), is the lead singer in the Boston-based rock band Infinite Loop. He lost both his parents, Ian and Catherine Ross in a car crash when he was a young boy and was raised by his only relative, his grandmother, Anne Ross. (...) After attending Harvard and getting kicked out just before the final exams, he started to look around for musicians to start a band. Openly gay, he is currently dating his bandmate, Neal Caffrey._ ”

Harvey searched for “Mike Ross” in Google Image and rummaged through the thumbnails, clicking on some of them to see the full pictures. Performance pictures, personal pictures from his Instagram account, pictures with fans…

Apparently, the band was even bigger than he thought, having sold more than 10 million copies of their first album. And Mike was quite the charismatic leader, talking through interviews, updating the band’s official blog and tweeting their 2 million followers everyday.

Going to bed that night, Harvey couldn’t help but smile at the complete opposite paths his former lover and himself had taken since their breakup, 12 years ago. Harvey knew Mike had given up on wanting to become a lawyer, and he had been kicked out of Harvard anyway, but he never would have believed Mike would be the one ending up with crazy fans screaming his name.

Harvey tossed and turned in his bed that night, three weeks before he got the letter from EMC Recording, and finally was able to sleep, wondering how time had flown by so quickly.


	3. Not an apology present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, i'm having fun writing this. I prefer to post small chapters often, hope you don't mind. Let me know what you think. Thanx a lot for reading, giving kudos and feedbacks, it helps a lot !

Harvey’s stepping in the elevator when a hand holds the door.

« _Harvey_ _! First time you’re not in before me in what ?_ _7 years_ ? »

«  _Good morning to you too, Donna._  » Harvey says, folding his cellphone in his pocket and pressing his floor number button.

“ _Come on. Don’t be grumpy, it’s not a good way to start the day. And what has you late this morning anyway ?_ ” Donna asks.

“ _I’m not grumpy, I was just pointing out your lack of education._ ” Harvey replies, matter-of-factly.

Donna rolls her eyes. Something is off with her boss this morning. Then she realises she did not get his coffee because she was chatting with her sister on the phone on the way to the building. ‘ _This will not help_ ’, she thinks, stepping out of the elevator when the doors open on the 56th floor.

“ _I have a meeting at 9 with Tom Floorish but I have an important phone call to make before that. When he comes, if I’m still on the phone, can you have him wait in the conference room ?_ ” Harvey asks, entering his office.

He does not wait for Donna to reply, this wasn’t even a question. He closes the door and switches on his computer. Then he opens the letter from EMC Recording and dials the number.

 

“ _Hi. Harvey Specter, could I speak to Michel Martin please ?_ ” he says, his eyes going through the words on the paper.

“ _Speaking_.” Michel Martin says “ _I was expecting your call, Mr Specter. I guess you’re wondering what this is all about ?_ ” The man has a strong French accent.

“ _Well, I can’t say I’m not curious as to why a huge record company would send me a letter telling me to be in touch with one of their lawyers regarding, and I quote, music rights when I can’t remember having ever bought a CD._ ” He says, looking at his huge record collection.

Michel Martin laughs silently.

“ _More of a record guy ?_ ” He doesn’t wait for an answer. “ _Do you know Infinite Loop, the new hot rock band ?_ ”

Harvey’s heart skips a beat. He gulps.

“ _Hum, yes, I’ve heard of them. Why ?_ ”

“ _Well, it’s come to my attention that you know their frontman, Mike ? Mike Ross ?_ ” the other lawyer aks.

Harvey lets out a sigh and smiles. 3 weeks ago, he would have jumped at the mention of his name.

“Knew _Mike would be more appropriate. We haven’t spoken for 12 years. We went to law school together but, well, that was in another life_.” He says.

“ _Other life or whatever you want to call it, still Mike Ross has asked us to contact you regarding a song you two wrote that he would like featured on their upcoming album. He would like your signed agreement to record and publish it. Of course you would be credited and financially rewarded._ ”

Harvey remembers their music sessions. They would play guitar in the dorm when they were all done with their studies and sing along to their favourite Nirvana tracks. They wrote their own material, too. Love songs, songs about growing up and how fucked up life was. They were young adults, after all.

“ _Hum._ ” He says. “ _What would I need to do ? How did you even find me ? I haven’t kept in touch with Mike._ ”

The other lawyer laughs out loud.

“ _Harvey Specter, New York’s best closer. How hard do you think it was to find you once we had your name ?_ ” he laughs again.

Harvey nods mentally ans purses his lips. Obvioulsy.

“ _I am going to send you the papers today, UPS, you’ll get them tomorrow. Take your time to go through them and don’t hesitate to call me if you have any question._ ” Michel Martin continues.

“ _Did Mike write them ? The papers ?_ ” Harvey asks.

“ _He did. Oh, and he told me to ask you, since they are in New-York, they’re playing Madison Square Garden tonight, if you would like to meet them ?_ ”

Harvey pauses and thinks. Meet Mike. And the band. 12 years after it all happened. 12 years after he cried so much he thought he wouldn’t be able to cry another tear in his life. 12 years after he decided that his heart was only good for suffering and that he would become a heartless bastard if that was the only way to go through life unhurt.

“ _I, uh, well, I wasn’t expecting that. Hum. I’m a pretty busy man Mr Martin –_ “

The other lawyer cuts him.

“ _Tickets to tonight’s show will be delivered to your office this morning. They’ve got backstage passes. If you can make it, that is. Anyway, as I said, you’ll get the official papers tomorrow, call me if you need any additional information, alright ?”_

“ _I will. Thank you._ ” Harvey replies.

“ _Have a great day Mr Specter, and thank you for your time._ ”

And with that, Harvey hangs up the phone.

It’s not 9 yet, he has 15 minutes before his meeting. He opens his Internet navigator and types “Infinite Loop” and “Twitter” in the search field. They’re in New-York. Mike is in New-York, breathing the same air, enjoying the summer heat.

 

> MikeRoss&TheBand @infiniteloopofficial – 2 hours ago
> 
> New-York here we come. Madison Square Garden tonight, can’t wait to see you all ! #excited #goodtobehome

 

Harvey's staring at the screen, deep in his thoughts, when Donna calls through the intercom.

“ _Ok Harvey, what did you do ?_ ”

Harvey lifts his head to see Donna up on her feet, opening the door to his office, holding a small manila envelope in her hand, eyes wide scanning Harvey.

“ _This has to be bad. When I get a Louis Vuitton or Hermes bag, I know you’ve been a bad boy but the joy of holding these precious leather pieces of art usually takes over the anger. But this ? Front row tickets to Infinite Loop and freaking backstage passes ? What did you do Harvey ? What did you do that needs that kind of apology ?_ ”

She’s grinning. Harvey feels a little bit bad for not even knowing that she liked the band. He smirks and stands up to walk towards her.

“ _They’re not for you. They’re not an apology present. They were sent to me, right ?_ ”

Donna looks disappointed and hurt.

“ _Look, Donna. It’s a long story I’d be glad to tell you all about but I’ve got a meeting in 5. Would you like to come with me tonight ? To the concert ?_ ”

Donna jumps on her feet.

“ _Are you kidding me ?_ ” she screams, then she holds her hand to her mouth and looks around to see if anyone witnessed the Great Donna losing her cool.

“ _Of course I want to !_ ” she says, lowering her voice. “ _The show’s been sold out 10 minutes after the tickets were available and I couldn’t get one ! Oh my god, I’m going to see Infinite Loop ! Thank you Harvey, thank you, thank you !”_ she laughs nervously then pauses. _“Wait, how did you get these ?_ ”

 Harvey chuckles.

“ _Told you I’d tell you all about it later. Now look, there’s a man at your desk, waiting for you to let him in my office for his appointed meeting, so shoo !_ ” he says, grabbing the manila envelope from Donna’s shaking hands and putting it securely in his breast pocket.


	4. Madison Square Garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this new chapter ! Thanx for reading.

Of course, trying to focus is a pain in the ass and Harvey spends the whole day refreshing the band’s twitter feed instead of working on cases (he even creates a twitter account, but he’ll never admit it). He learns that Mike and the band ate at McDonald’s thanks to a selfie Mike posted of him and Neal eating their burgers. That they will be adding a new song to the set list and that their fans can vote on their official website. The one that has got the more votes will be sung exclusively tonight.

Harvey follows the link and is faced with an interesting list of songs he hasn’t even heard once and votes for the title he likes the most, “On the edge”.

 

By the end of the day, Donna knocks on the glass door and let herself in. She settles on the black leather couch and crosses her legs. She folds her hands on her laps and waits for Harvey to speak. When he doesn’t, she says :

“ _So, boss man. We have 30 minutes before we leave for the show and my work is finished. You’ve got 30 minutes to tell me how you got the tickets and spare me no details._ ”

Harvey lifts his head from his computer and purses his lips. Where to begin ?

“ _Well, since you’re the band’s number one fan, you obviously know who Mike Ross is ?_ ”, he asks, getting up, heading towards the window.

“ _Yes, I know who he is_.”, she rolls her eyes. “ _Who doesn’t ? He’s been named sexiest man in rock ‘n roll in 2013 and is month of May on my bathroom calendar._ ”

Harvey turns his head and looks at her with raised eyebrows and a mocking smile.

“ _You know he’s gay, right ?_ ”, he says in a laugh.

“ _Of course I do. But a woman can dream, right ? Besides, that does not tell me how you got the tickets._ ”, she replies, impatiently.

“ _Well, Mister Sexiest man in rock ‘n roll and I went to Harvard together –_ “

She cuts him. “ _No way, Harvey ! Mike Ross is your ex genius boyfriend ? The one who broke you heart, when you had one, 12 years ago ?_ ”

Harvey nods and hands him the letter he got from EMC Recording. Her eyes quickly scan the page and she raises her head back to Harvey, waiting for the connection.

“ _I got this letter three days ago. Called their lawyer this morning. Apparently, Mike would like to record a song we wrote back when we were Harvard students. You know the funniest thing ? Three weeks ago, I had absolutely_ no idea _who Infinite Loop were. I accidentally caught a part of the MTV Music Awards on TV, the part where they were given their award and I saw Mike…_ ”, he pauses, sitting down in his chair. “ _… I instantly knew it was him. He hasn’t changed a bit. He still looks fucking young and eager and… Well, I did some research and it confirmed what I thought. Three weeks later, I receive this letter._ ”

Donna looks like she’s been hit by a train. She’s gaping. Seeing that Harvey seems to be done talking, she quickly regains her composure and stands up.

“ _How do you feel about going to the show tonight ? Do you want to go backstage and see him ?_ ”, she asks, gently placing her hand on Harvey’s.

“ _I don’t know. I’m curious to see him sing and play. He was always a great guitar player, way better than me, and he had a nice voice. I’m curious to see him after all this time…”,_ he pauses briefly. _“12 fucking years, Donna. And my stomach still clenches when I think of actually talking to him. Can you believe it ? I thought I was over it._ ”, he says with a sadness in his voice that sends a shiver through her spine.

“ _You don’t have to talk to him, Harvey. You could just go see the show. You don’t have to deal with him personally. What do you wanna do ?_ ”, she asks carefully. From what Harvey has told her over the years about his very first love, she knows it’s a highly sensitive subject.

“ _I need to get over him, Donna. I thought I was but clearly I’m not and if seeing him and talking to him can do that, then I’m all in. I want this over with._ ”, he says, shutting down his computer and packing up his things. “ _Call Ray, tell him to meet us downstairs in 10. Then grab your stuff and let’s go. We’ll stop at your place then mine so we can change._ ”

Donna picks up the phone to call Ray while Harvey goes to the bathroom.

There, he takes a huge breath and looks at his reflection in the large mirror. He has changed, he has grown up and his face is less open, his mouth thinner and wrinkles are starting to show. He suddenly feels so self-conscious he’s only seconds away from telling Donna to go with a friend. Then he remembers, he needs to get this over with, once and for all. He splashes some cold water on his faces and meets Donna at the elevator.

The ride to both their places his quiet. Donna often glances at Harvey to make sure he’s holding up while frantically texting her friends that she’s going to meet the guys from Infinite Loop and hiding her chuckles when she gets their replies.

Harvey changes from his suit to a pair of dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt. It’s a pretty hot summer day, he can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like during the show.

Donna takes a little bit more time to get ready which earns her pointed looks from Harvey but she settles for a pink mini-dress with nude Louboutin pumps and a nude clutch.

 

They arrive almost an hour early and go straight to beginning of the huge line that’s formed outside the venue. There is a not-so-friendly-looking bouncer with crossed arms who arches an eyebrow when he sees them approaching.

“ _Good evening sir, we’ve got the golden tickets !_ ” Donna shouts, holding the backstage passes to the bouncer. Harvey rolls his eyes giving him a “See what I gotta put up with ?” look.

The bouncer smiles and takes the tickets. He then proceeds to call one of his colleagues so he can walk them through the backstage area.

Feeling Harvey’s anxiousness, Donna takes his hand and squeezes gently. He squeezes back as they pass a first door. They can hear music being played, probably last minute rehearsals or sound testing.

A very handsome man steps out of a room and walks towards them. He’s average in height but he’s nicely built, lean and bulky at the same time. It’s his smile that catches Harvey's eyes. Perfect white teeth and full lips.

“ _Hey. I’m Neal, can I help you ?_ ” he says, with a huge smile.

 Donna lets out an embarrassing sound.

“ _Oh my god Neal, I’m Donna, it’s so nice to meet you, I’m a huge fan !_ ”, she shouts and she shakes his hand.

“ _Hi Donna, nice to meet you too !_ ”, he laughs and turns to Harvey.

“ _Hi, yes, you can help us actually, we’re looking for Mike_.” Harvey says sharply.

Neal’s face stills.

 _“Everybody’s always looking for Mike. Is he expecting you ?”_ , he asks politely, shaking Harvey’s offered hand.

“ _I don’t know. He gave us, me, the tickets. Could you tell him Harvey Specter would like to speak to him ?”_

Neal lets out a small “ _Oh, I see._ ” and walks away slowly.

 

He comes back about a minute later, signalling them to follow him.

“ _Hum, Donna, right ?”,_ he says. “ _Would you like me to show you were we do the hair and make up and introduce you to the rest of the guys while Harvey talks with Mike ?”_ and with that rhetorical question, Neal grabs Donna’s shoulder and points at a closed door to Harvey.

Harvey’s so anxious he could throw up. He feels his cheeks burning and his whole body literally melting under the weight of all these years. He knocks and rearranges his tshirt like a shy teenager waiting for his prom date.

Then the door opens.


	5. Til we meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this new development. Harvey finally gets to see Mike after 12 years.  
> Thanx for the great comments and all the kudos (they mean A LOT to me), i feel spoiled !  
> xoxo

The door opens and Harvey sees a petite woman, probably in her twenties, holding different make up brushes in her hands. She leans towards Harvey :

“ _Good evening, Sir_ ”, she whispers, gesturing for him to enter. “ _Mike’s on the phone, but he said you can come in, it will only take a couple more minutes._ ”

She leads him further in the room.

Harvey’s heart stops for a second. It’s like every fear he’s been having, everything he’s been imagining is suddenly resurfacing when he sees Mike.

Mike is sitting in a chair, holding his knees to his chest and laughing. His back is facing Harvey but Harvey can see his face in the mirror in front of him.

“ _I know, right ?_ ”, Mike laughs out loud. “ _I told you it would work, -_ “

He freezes when he sees Harvey standing a couple of steps behind him.

“ _Hum, Trev, let me call you back, I gotta go. I still have to prepare._ ”, he pauses, his eyes still locked on Harvey. “ _Yeah, thanks. Talk to you soon, bye._ ”

He lowers his gaze and hangs up his phone, pressing the screen with his index finger. He sighs and stands up.

Harvey can see that he takes a deep breath and he turns towards him.

They lock eyes for a few second before any of them say something.

Mike is wearing light grey sweatpants, red flipflops and a tight Rolling Stones t-shirt. His hair is held back with a black hairband.

 _“Hi Harvey._ ”, he says softly taking a step closer to Harvey.

Harvey’s mouth is dry and his throat is tight. He gulps and wets his lips.

“ _Hi Mike._ ”, he says, his tone mimicking Mike’s.

He doesn’t step closer to Mike, just stands there, his heart pounding in his chest.

Mike smiles and points at two comfortable looking armchairs.

Harvey sits down, closely followed by Mike.

“ _So…_ ”, Mike says, still smiling. “ _Long time no see. How have you been ?_ ”

Harvey laughs nervously. This is probably the stupidest question he could have asked.

“ _Fine, I guess !_ ”, he replies. “ _I never thought I’d find myself in your dressing room before a big show. Guess you’ve been doing great._ ”, he continues, somewhat bitterly.

Mike gestures to the room waving his arms, his smile widening.

“ _I know, this is crazy ! And seeing you here just points it out even more. Thank you for coming. You must be a really busy man. I heard you’re a senior partner ! That’s great. Things went just the way you wanted them to !_ ”, Mike says cheerfully.

Harvey can’t help thinking that he hasn’t changed at all. He still has this crazy baby face and he doesn’t seem any less hyperactive than he was 12 years ago. His heart tightens at the thought.

“ _Yeah, professionally speaking, it’s been really great. But I’m not done yet. I’m the best at what I do, I should make name partner soon._ ”, he smirks.

Mike shifts a little bit in his armchair and leans towards Harvey. He puts a gentle hand on one of his knee.

“ _Look, I’m sorry I didn’t contact you. I guess I just hoped you were fine. I saw your name in an article once. I was so proud of you, though I always knew you’d be a great lawyer._ ”, he says.

Harvey very slowly moves his knee so that Mike’s hand now hanging in the air.

“ _Don’t be sorry. I did not try to contact you either and it’s better that way anyway_.”, he pauses, the awkwardness of their conversation making him want to just run away and forget about the whole thing. He needs to change the subject. _“ I, uh, your lawyer contacted me about a song, said he would send the papers. I thought I could talk about it with you first, if you don’t mind. Which song is it ?”,_ he asks, crossing his legs.

Mike looks away for a bit and stands up to grab a folder. He hands a piece of a paper to Harvey.

Harvey surveys the paper and runs a hand through his hair. He clears his throat, eyes looking up to meet a nervous Mike.

“ _Really ? Out of every song we wrote this is the one you want to record and your million fans to sing along to ?_ ”, he asks harshly.

He scans the word on the paper one more time. This is not a song _they_ wrote. It’s a song _he_ wrote for Mike. A very deeply personal love song. He could still recite every word, play every chord, remember every time he sang those words to a then enamoured Mike.

“ _Harvey_ _, you know I’ve always loved this song. It’s the best present I ever received. I… You were very good at writing songs. Bet you still are. I love this song. I think it deserves to be properly recorded and shown to the world._ ”, Mike says, still nervous. He has trouble holding his former lover’s gaze.

Harvey stands up and throws the paper at Mike’s feet. His eyes darken and he heads towards the door :

“ _Oh yeah,_ ‘shown to the world’ _? And how would that go ? You singing words that were written about you ? You putting a song that doesn’t mean anything anymore on your album, just because you '_ love it' _? Why did you even ask for my permission ? How did you think I’d take it ? Oh I know, you thought ‘Fuck_ Harvey, he’ll get royalties, better than nothing, right ?’ _! Well, you know what ? Put every fucking song you want on your fucking album, I don’t want anything from you. I’ll send a release for everything we wrote together !_ ”, he shouts, opening the door and stepping outside.

This is the exact moment an excited Donna chooses to appear in the hallway, closely followed by Neal. They’re both stopped in their tracks by the shouting.

“ _Harvey_ _, wait !_ ”, Mike shouts. “ _I’m sorry, I just wanted to be thorough and at least let you know. I’m only interested in this song. Come on, Harvey._ ”, he says, grabbing his arm.

“ _Let go of me !_ ” Harvey screams, his face flushed with anger. “ _Come on, Donna, we’re leaving._ ”

Neal looks at Mike with questioning eyes. Donna frowns, and well because she’s Donna, says :

“ _What’s going on Harvey, we just got here ? We’re not leaving before you calm down and tell me what the hell is going on._ ”

She grabs his arm and leads him back into Mike’s dressing room. Harvey’s fuming.

“ _Hi, Mike, I’m Donna, Harvey’s secretary and best friend._ ”, she offers her hands with a huge grin.

Mike shakes her hand and sighs. Neal closes the door behind them and walks up to Mike, taking his hand.

“ _So, Harvey, what’s going on here ?_ ”, Donna asks, her arms crossed.

“ _Nothing, Donna, it’s between me and Mike. I told him he can use our past to sell records, it’s all good. Come on now._ ”, Harvey says.

“ _It’s not nothing Harvey._ ”, Mike says, calmly. “ _I want it to be ok with you, I think it’s a great opportunity for the great song you wrote to be put out there._ ”

“ _Of course it’s not_ nothing _. You’re going to use my feelings on your album. I put my fucking heart into this song and God knows you’ve already destroyed it once. Why not do it again by singing it ? Is that what you thought when you decided to ask for my permission ? Through one of your lawyers ?_ ” Harvey shouts.

Mike rolls his eyes and lets go of Neal’s hand to step closer to Harvey.

“ _No it’s not, Harvey, and you damn well know it. It’s been 12 years for fuck’s sake ! If you don’t want me to use this song, I won’t. But don’t pretend I’m only doing this to hurt you because you know it’s not true !_ ”, he replies.

Neal steps in.

“ _Please, Harvey. We’d love for you to stay for the show. It’d be an honor._ ”, he says, trying to calm things down.

“ _I’m sorry, Mike._ ”, Harvey says, ignoring Neal. “ _I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t._ ” He turns his head to Donna. “ _You stay. Enjoy the show. I’m going home. Have a great night._ ”

And with that he opens the door and leaves, slamming it.

He sprints back to the door they were let through when they came in 15 minutes ago and opens it, ignoring Donna and Mike calling after him.

Then he lets out a breath he did not realise he was holding, passes by the eager fans waiting in line and sprints again.

He runs for about a mile, the tears rolling down his cheeks and stops at a corner, panting. He bends down, hands on his knees and lets it all out. He hates the desperate sounds he’s making, hates the tears falling on his shoes, hates that his heart is hurting.

He had spent 12 years pretending he didn’t have a heart anymore, pretending he couldn’t care so it wouldn’t hurt.

But tonight he cannot ignore it. He has a freaking heart and, God, it can still hurt like hell.


	6. Ok, first of all it's not my baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanx for reading, commenting and giving kudos.

Harvey knows he should probably get a cab to go home but he needs to clear his head and regain his composure before even considering addressing someone (taxi driver, Donna who’s kept calling him since he left, anyone) so he decides to walk instead. He has now idea how far he is from his condo but right now he doesn’t care. He hurts and he needs to not hurt. If walking and thinking can do that, well let’s walk.

 

Mike was the first man he ever kissed. Harvey had known for years that he was into both men and women but he never really had the guts to try anything with a man. But then he met Mike and for the first time, everything felt so obvious and easy.

Holding back more tears threatening to fall out of his puffy red eyes, he remembers their first day at Harvard.

 

\----------------------------

 

Harvey was settling in his tiny room at HLS Gropius complex. It had been three weeks since orientation day and all the students were back with their belongings to settle in their new environment. During the last three weeks, Mike and Harvey had kept in touch _via_ emails or texts, they even called once. So he knew who it was when he heard a knock on his door.

“ _Come on in._ ”, he said, putting the last book on the shelf of his desk.

“ _Hey, how d’you like your room ?_ ”, Mike said, sitting on the edge of his single bed.

Harvey chuckled.

“ _Not bad I guess. At least we’re on campus and we can afford the rent. What I will need time to adjust to, though, is the collective bathroom !_ ”, he laughed.

“ _I know. I will have to figure out what time everybody goes and avoid traffic hours. Geez, how are you supposed to walk around in you towel brushing your teeth in the same bathroom as a hundred other students ?_ ” Mike said, blushing.

“ _I don’t mind the intimacy, I’m comfortable with myself._ ”, Harvey said, smirking, earning an eye roll. “ _What I do mind, though, are dirty showers, hairs and multiple body wash scents blending in an overheated collective bathroom. But we’ll get used to it, right ?_ ”

“ _At least we’ve got a nice view from our rooms. Mine’s just 4 doors down the hall. I’ll finish unpacking, come see me when you’re done, we could take a walk and grab dinner ?_ ”, Mike offered, disappearing in the hallway.

Harvey settled his guitar on its holder and brushed the strings softly. He had been playing since he was 10 and hoped he could still find the time to practice here and then with the new busy schedule he would have as a new Harvard Law sudent.

 

An hour later, he was done. He took his wallet, campus ID and keys and locked the door to his room.

He heard music coming from one of the rooms down the hall. Stepping closer, he realised the music was coming from Mike’s. He knocked on the door, didn’t wait for an answer and let himself in.

Mike was sitting at his desk, holding a beautiful Gibson in his hands and was softly pulling the strings and singing the words to John Lennon’s “Imagine”. He did not see Harvey at first. He had a really pretty voice, steady and deep, like the words were just sliding off his tongue. He lifted his head and saw Harvey leaning on the door frame.

“ _Oh fuck, Harvey, you scared me !_ ”, Mike said, putting his guitar down on his bed. “ _How long have you been watching me ?_ ”, he blushed.

“ _I just got here, I knocked and figured you might be presentable since you were playing and singing so I decided to let myself in._ ”, he smiled. “ _You play beautifully and you have got a really nice voice…_ ”, he added.

Mike’s cheeks started burning and it warmed his heart. Harvey decided it was the cutest thing ever and he would spend his days making Mike blush.

“ _Uh, thank you. I, uh… I like to sing._ ”, he replied.

“ _Come on, let’s go out celebrate our moving in ! I’ve spotted bistro where we can have a burger and a beer !_ ”, Harvey said, heading out.

 

They were drinking their second beer when their burgers and fries arrived.

“ _Ok, this looks delicious !_ ”, Mike said, holding the greasy bun to his mouth. “ _I doubt that we’ll be able to afford dining out that often so let’s enjoy it._ ”, he stated, grabbing a hug bite.

“ _Have you seen the kitchen ?_ ”, Harvey asked, dipping a fry in ketchup sauce. “ _It’s got three huge refrigerators and a dozen cupboards but it looks completely unorganized._ ”

“ _Oh my god, you’re such a neat freak, Harvey_ ”, Mike laughed, his mouth full.

Harvey laughed and took a bite of his burger.

“ _So, what would you like to do once you’re done here ?_ ”, he asked Mike.

“ _Well… obviously, I want to be a lawyer. I’d like to enter a nice firm and help nice people win their cases._ ”, Mike replied, half-joking.

“ _You seem like a nice guy, Mike. Probably too nice to be a lawyer. You’re the kind of pro bono lover, wearing his heart on his sleeve and letting the client cry on his shoulder, am I right ?_ ”

Mike sighed and smiled softly.

“ _What can I say, Harvey, you’ve figured me out ! Seriously, I’ve wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I can remember. I lost both my parents when I was very young and was raised by my grandmother._ ” Mike said, then paused to take a sip of his beer. Harvey mouthed a “sorry” at the mention of his loss. “ _The man responsible for the accident had been drinking, but we couldn’t afford to pay for the prosecution and counselling so the whole case got thrown away. I was very young, but even then I knew we had a case. I told myself I would fight for justice for a living. Which leads me here._ ”, he smiled.

“ _I’m sorry, Mike. I wasn’t mocking your motivations. I was only pointing out that you seem really nice and that firms are said to be shark tanks. But there are different types of lawyers, we just need to find which one we want to be_.” Harvey said, emptying his glass.

“ _And what kind of lawyer do you want to be, Mister I’m-manly-enough-to-shower-with-strangers ?_ ”

Harvey laughed.

“ _The best. I want to be name partner when I reach 40. I have it figured out already and I’m going to do it. I’ll work my ass off. First of all to prove to my parents that I can actually stick to a plan and second off all, because I always get what I want._ ”, Harvey replied, with a grin.

“ _Oh, you do ?_ ”, Mike said, teasingly.

“ _Always_.”, Harvey replied in a low voice.

“ _I guess we’ll see then !_ ”, Mike said, raising his empty glass.

Harvey raised his glass too and they laughed.

 

They came back from to their dorm, tipsy and stumbling through the silent hallways.

“ _You know I play the guitar too ?_ ”, Harvey said, looking for his keys in his pocket.

“ _Really ? Did you bring your baby here with you ?_ ”, Mike asked.

“ _Ok, first of all, it’s not my_ baby _and yes I did bring my guitar. Come on, I’ll show you._ ”, he said, opening the door to his room.

“ _Here it is._ ”, Harvey said, retrieving the guitar from its holder and handing it carefully to Mike.

“ _It’s beautiful. I’ve always like black guitars._ ”, Mike said, settling on the bed, fingers reaching for the strings. He played a chord.

“ _It’s got a really nice sound. Wait,_ ”, he said, handing it to Harvey. “ _I’ll go grab mine. Be right back._ ”

It only took a minute for Mike to come back with his guitar.

“ _What should we play ?_ ”, Harvey asked, settling on the other end of the single bed.

“ _What about Wonderwall by Oasis ? You know it ?_ ”

“ _I think I do. Haven’t played for months so bare with me._ ”

 

That night, they played for two hours before a sleepy student stormed in Harvey's room and asked them to go shut the hell up. They laughed and talked for another hour before Mike went back to his room. Harvey had never felt so close to someone so quickly. He fell asleep remembering he did always get what he wanted. And he wanted Mike.


	7. You’re a stubborn bastard Harvey Specter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little bit longer than the others, hope you like it. Thanks again for the kuddos and comments. xoxo

Harvey just passes the door to his condo when his home phone rings.

He sighs and picks it up, knowing full well it’s Donna.

“ _Harvey Specter._ ”, he tries to sound as composed as he can.

“ _Yes, Harvey Specter, Donna Paulsen here._ ”, she says. “ _Where have you been ? I tried calling your cell, your home and even Ray ! Don’t do that to me again Harvey._ ”, she’s visibly worried about her boss.

“ _I’m sorry Donna. I had to think it through. I walked home from the venue. I may not have taken the shortest itinerary, though. But I’m here now. How was the show ?_ ”, Harvey asks, as if it was just an ordinary week night.

“ _Crazy ! Oh my god, they’re so good ! You really should’ve stayed. Our tickets were like closer than front row !_ ”

“ _Yeah, well, I’m glad to hear that getting into a small fight with his ex boyfriend didn’t prevent Mike from giving his best. Guess not all of us get emotionally distressed easily. I was thinking he had not changed but he has. He used to care about other people’s feelings…_ ”, Harvey says, pouring himself a glass of scotch.

Donna sighs.

“ _Take the drama down a notch Juliet, will you ? This wasn’t even a fight, this was you yelling at him. Besides, if he really didn’t care about your_ feelings”, she emphasises the last word, “ _he wouldn’t have asked permission to use one of your songs and certainly wouldn’t have invited you tonight._ ”

Harvey glanced at the modern clock above his fireplace. Past midnight. He really did not take the shortest itinerary back to his home. But he feels a little better, definitely less distressed and he doesn’t want to cry. ‘ _Well, that’s a start’_ , he thinks, taking a sip.

“ _Look, Donna, I need to get some sleep. I have a big deposition tomorrow and I still need to go through some files before I go to bed, so if you don’t mind, I’ll let you hang that poster you bought up your wall and call it a night._ ”, he says, emptying his glass.

“ _How did you know I bought a poster ?_ ”

“ _I know you, Donna. Goodnight._ ”

He hangs up the phone and goes to his room to shower. He doesn’t really have any file to review before his depo. He’s Harvey Specter, he’s been ready for this even before his mum thought about having a son.

His cellphone falls from his jeans pocket when he takes them off. He takes a look at it. 14 missed calls and 2 texts. The missed calls are all from Donna, with a text that reads “ _Pick up the fucking phone, Harvey, or you’re in trouble_ ”. The other text is from a number he doesn’t know.

“ _I don’t want to leave it like that. Am in NYC for a few more days. Do you want to meet tomorrow night ? Please, we have to talk about tonight. Let me know. Mike_ ”

How did Mike get his number ? Donna… Harvey switches off his phone and heads to the bathroom, his stomach clenching. He showers and heads straight to bed, not bothering to set his alarm, knowing full well that he will have difficulties finding sleep anyway.

 

 

The next morning, after a short night spent drifting in and out of sleep, Harvey makes it at work almost on time, Donna’s probably already there, for the second time in 7 years. This better not become a habit, Harvey thinks, heading towards his office. He is stopped in his tracks by a crowd of associates looking at the computer screen at Donna’s desk.

“ _Oh Harvey, didn’t you get my message ? Deposition’s been moved to tomorrow at noon. I thought you might need the day off so I cleared your schedule._ ”, Donna says, looking up from the screen.

“ _No I did not, and why would you think I’d need a day off ? Besides, what are you all doing here ?_ ”, he asks.

“ _You might wanna see this Harvey._ ”, she points at her screen. “ _We’re on Perez Hilton !_ ”

Harvey sighs and steps behind Donna, all the associates making way to let him look at the screen. There’s a blog entry titled “Infinite Loop Madison Square Garden show update” and he sees a picture of the line of fans waiting by the door and him and Donna entering.

“ _Do they even have the right to publish these pictures without asking for our permission first ?_ ”, he asks, his hand moving to seize the mouse and scroll down the page.

There are more pictures of them by the door, one with Donna holding the tickets to the bouncer, one close-up with Harvey looking at Donna. He reads the caption. It says “Two lucky fans making their way to the backstage area.” There’s a close-up picture of Donna’s clutch with a “Get the look” clickable button.

“ _’Lucky fans’_ ”, Harvey mutters, closing the browser window. “ _Don’t you have work to do ?_ ”

The associates quietly head back to the bullpen as Harvey enters his office, Donna in tow.

“ _Did you get Mike’s message ? I really think you need to talk to him._ ”, she says, closing the door behind her and taking a sit in one of the chairs facing Harvey’s desk.

“ _Yes, I did get his_ text. _They’re nothing more to say about it. Did we get the papers delivered ? I’ll sign them and go home since you cleared my schedule._ ”

Donna sighs, crossing her legs elegantly.

“ _You’re a stubborn bastard Harvey Specter. You can’t just run away from it. You need to man up and call him. I don’t care that you think I’m overstepping the boundaries here, cause I’m clearly not the one doing so, but you need to get over yourself and talk to him. You can’t keep pretending nothing happened 12 years ago. You need to face it, that’s the only way you’ll find peace. You said you needed to move on, right ? Well, calling Mike would be a huge step in the right direction._ ”

She stands up and starts waking to the door, then she turns around, her eyes full of compassion.

“ _Look Harvey. I know it’s hard. I know you’ve been hurt and I bet meeting Mike made everything hurt again. But you can’t just wait for the hurt to go away one more time, cause it won’t. And you know it. I’ll be right there if you need me._ ”, she says, pointing at her desks and she leaves.

Harvey knows she’s right. He opened Pandora’s box and now he needs to deal with whatever was buried inside before closing it up for good.

He fumbles in his breast pocket for his phone and dials Mike’s number, taking a huge breath. Straight to voicemail.

“ _You’ve reached Mike’s voicemail, please leave a message and I’ll call you right back. BEEP_ ”

“ _Mike, I got your text. Turns out I’m free for the day, so if you still want to meet up, give me a call._ ”

He puts his phone back in his pocket and turns on his computer. He opens his web browser and signs in on Twitter.

There are several new tweets from Infinite Loop, or more precisely from Mike.

 

> MikeRoss&TheBand @infiniteloopofficial – 12 hours ago
> 
> You guys were on fire tonight ! Thank you so much for coming ! #madisonsquaregarden #thankyouguys

 

> MikeRoss&TheBand @infiniteloopofficial – 8 hours ago
> 
> Had a rather strange encounter tonight. Quite the blast from the past. Some people are just like wine, the older they get, the better.

 

> MikeRoss&TheBand @infiniteloopofficial – 1 hour ago
> 
> Couldn’t really sleep. Too much adrenaline ! Took a morning run in Central Park, got to meet some of you. Hope you didn't mind the sweaty look :D !

 

Harvey can’t help but smile. His phones rings.

“ _Harvey Specter._ ”, he says automatically.

“ _Hi Harvey, it’s Mike._ ”

“ _Oh hi. Sorry, I didn’t recognize your number…_ ”

Which is not entirely true. He had created a contact card with Mike’s number just before making the call. He just didn’t look at the screen when answering. There’s a long pause.

“ _So, you said you were free today ? How bout we meet for lunch ?_ ”, Mike says.

“ _Sure. Any place you’d like to go ?_ ”

“ _Hum, well, I can’t really go anywere with these paparazzi following me. So I was thinking we could meet at your place ? My hotel room isn’t really up to your neat freak standards._ ”, Mike laughs. Harvey can hear people talking in the background.

“ _My place ? Well, I’ll text you the address. Let’s say noon ? I’ll order in some food. Still a big fan of burgers ? I know a great place._ ”

“ _Yup, and I could use two of them actually, I’m starving ! See you at noon, then._ ”

There is another longue pause.

“ _Yeah. Uh, bye._ then”, Harvey says, already regretting having called. He’s not hungry at all, in fact he feels like throwing up.

He hears Mike probably say his goodbyes but he hangs up the phone.

Harvey knows Donna has been listening to his conversation and he can feel her gaze through the glass walls.

He looks at his computer screen and presses “Retweet” on Mike’s second tweet, half hoping he won’t know it’s him. He knows this tweet is about him but he doesn’t chose to retweet it because of that. He just finds it entirely true and could say the same about Mike.

He switches of his computer, puts his cellphone back in his breast pocket and leaves his office.

“ _I’ll see you tomorrow Donna. Call me if you need anything…_ ”, he pauses. “ _And thank you._ ”, he says before heading towards the elevators.


	8. Burgers and fries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter !  
> Please please let me know if there is any spelling or language mistake. I really try my best.  
> If anyone of you'd like to beta... let me know !  
> Thanks for reading, hope you like it as much as i enjoy writing it.

It’s 10 past noon when Harvey gets the call from the lobby in his building.

“ _Yes, you can send him up Rick, thank you._ ”

Palms sweating, Harvey tries to breath slowly, waiting for the private glass elevator cabin to appear.

When it does, Harvey sees that Mike’s turned to the side, gaping at the view. He quickly shifts when the doors open.

“ _Harvey Specter, look at you !_ ”, he says smiling. “ _No wonder why you’re the best at what you do. You must be scaring the hell out of your opponents ! I should take a picture : you in a three-piece suit, hands in your pocket, looking smug and condescending, waiting for us, mere mortals, to step into the Batcave._ ”, he laughs, taking his blue aviator sunglasses off.

Harvey can’t help a relaxed silent laugh. He thought it would be awkward but, of course, with Mike being Mike, it’s anything but.

“ _Dude, you’ve got a really nice place !_ ”

“ _Don’t call me ‘dude’. I bet you’ve got a fancy place too now you’re a rock star ! Come on, sit down, burgers have just arrived._ ”, Harvey says, placing a brown delivery bag and 2 plates on the dinning table.

Mike takes a sit.

“ _Look. I’m sorry we ended on a sour note last night. I should’ve called you about the song, not send my lawyer. I just… I didn’t know what to say to you. Like, how do you start a conversation after 12 years of radio silence ? I didn’t even know if you’d want to talk to me after what happened. I’m sorry._ ”

Harvey hands him a burger and a box of fries.

“ _I’m sorry I overreacted last night. Yes, I was angry because I could not understand why you would choose this song. I still don’t. But I don’t want to make a big fuss about it. Sorry I got carried away. You’re right, it was a long time ago… It was such a shock. Three weeks ago, I didn’t even know you were in a band, let alone a worldwide celebrity. Then I saw you on MTV. Congrats on your award by the way._ ”

Harvey pours them each a glass of red wine.

“ _Thanks. You really never tried to look for me ?_ ”, Mike asks, looking a bit disappointed.

“ _Nope. What for ? And well, I guess I didn’t want to know. I just wanted to forget, let it all behind, graduate from Harvard and go on with my life. Which, as you can imagine, was much easier said than done. But I guess I didn’t do too bad since you seem to think I’m Batman._ ” He smirks.

Mike smiles. It’s like they’re back on their first day at Harvard, chewing on burgers and fries.

“ _Get over yourself Specter, I don’t think you’re Batman. I think you think you’re Batman, which makes a huge difference. You were always so full of yourself._ ”, Mike says, sipping his wine. “ _Remember that time you nearly punched a wall during Ethic class ? You thought our professor was in love with you and that she was giving you a hard time just because you turned her down ! Never for a second did you think that maybe your essay was bad !_ ” he laughs out loud.

“ _That’s because it wasn’t, Mike._ ”, Harvey sighs, smiling.

Oh what he would give to go back to Harvard, back to being a carefree young adult, falling in love for the first time.

“ _Yeah, you keep telling yourself that._ ”, Mike laughs. “ _Seriously, what have you been doing for the last 12 years ? Any embarrassing stories ? Romance ? Kids ?_ ”

“ _What ? God, no ! I’ve been practicing law, that’s what I’ve been doing. No romance. Partners coming and going. I don’t do relationships anymore.”_ , he says sombrely. _“You ? I read you live in Boston._ ”

“ _Yeah, bought a nice house. Record company keeps telling us we should move to the West Coast. But I like it just fine in Boston._ ”, Mike replies.

“ _And what about romance ?_ ”

“ _Well, I’ve had a couple of failed attempts at that, then I met Neal. You… you’ve met him yesterday night. He’s great. He joined the band 4 years ago. Been together pretty much ever since. You’d like him_.”, Mike replies, quickly emptying his glass of wine.

Harvey nods and looks away.

“ _How’s your brother ?_ ”, Mike asks.

“ _Paul’s fine. He got married in 2008 and already has two daughters, Sophie and Justine. His wife’s French, they live in Paris. We don’t see each other very often, he’s busy, I’m busy, you know what it is._ ”

“ _Yeah…_ ”

“ _How’s your Grammy ?_ ”, Harvey asks with a fond smile. He had met Edith Ross twice during his time with Mike and had instantly loved her.

“ _She got sick a couple of years ago, had to sell the Brooklyn flat. She now lives in a nice nursing home in Manhattan. She’s being taken good care of. I obviously don’t see her as much as I’d like to but I call her every week. She used to ask how you were doing…_ ”, Mike doesn’t finish his sentence.

Harvey puts his napkin down, gets up and opens the door to the terrace. He needs the fresh air.

“ _Come see what it’s like to be Batman, Mike._ ”, he calls.

Mike joins him.

“ _It feels great to be Batman_.”, he jokes. “ _The view’s truly breathtaking_ ”, he says stepping further to the railing.

Harvey takes a good look at him. He’s wearing tight black pants and a white cotton v-neck with an unbuttoned black vest.

“ _It is breathtaking, indeed…_ ”, Harvey sighs, obviously talking about the young man in front of him rather than the actual view. But Mike doesn’t seem to notice the subtlety and bends down.

“ _Oh my God, we can’t even figure out the cars from up here. I better go back inside if I want that delicious burger to stay in my stomach._ ”, he says, smiling at Harvey.

God that smile. Weapon of mass destruction. Harvey remembers the first time he noticed that this smile could send butterflies flying in his guts. He remembered thinking that he had to find the balls to make a pass at him. He had to kiss that beautiful mouth.

Something uncomfortable suddenly settles in his stomach.

“ _Are you okay, Harvey ?”_

“ _Yeah, why ? Let’s go back inside._ “

Harvey discards his jacket and rolls up his sleeves.

“ _Would you like another glass of wine, coffee ?_ ”, he asks.

“ _Glass of wine is fine, please._ ”, Mike says, looking at the pictures on his wall.

There are only 4 of them, huge black and white posters.

One of them shows Harvey and his twin brother Paul, both smiling broadly, probably taken on Paul’s wedding day. Holding glasses of champagne, they’re both wearing tuxedos and Harvey’s sporting slicked back hair while Paul’s blonder hair is a bit messy. Except from their hairstyle and the two moles above Harvey’s left eyebrow, there’s not much separating the twins. The other picture is an old picture of Harvey and Mike, sitting on the stairs to their dorm building, playing guitar to a little audience. They’re smiling to each other tellingly. Mike has a copy of it in a box somewhere. The third picture is a silhouette of a man, hands in his pocket, back to the camera, facing New-York City through a large floor to ceiling window. Mike recognises Harvey’s figure. It probably was taken in his office. It’s rather poetic and clearly symbolises the goal his former lover has achieved : world domination. The last one is a bit smaller, it shows Harvey’s mum and dad, each holding a twin on their lap. They look like a happy bunch, the kids smiling and making faces.

“ _Memories, uh ?_ ”, Harvey says, suddenly only inches away from Mike. He hands him a glass of wine.

“ _I like this picture of us. Look how young we are…_ ”, Mike says, sounding very nostalgic.

“ _I know…_ ”, Harvey sighs. “ _I may have reached the goals I had set to myself but these Harvard years will always count as my fondest memories._ ”

They both stay still for a few minutes, taking a closer look at the pictures, smiling, both reliving these moments in their mind. Then Mike’s phone takes them back to the present.

“ _Hey Neal. Yeah, I know. I’ll be right there. No, don’t worry, I’ll take a cab. Come on, Neal, It’s ok, it’s only a cab ride, I’ve been doing this my whole life, -_ “

Harvey cuts him.

“ _I’ll have my driver drive you back to your hotel, ok ?_ ”, he whispers.

“ _Neal, Harvey will have his driver take me back, that’s fine. Ok, see you in a bit. Yeah, love you too._ ”

Harvey swallows hard. He hates the words. Hates them even more coming from Mike’s mouth. He’s heard them. He believed them. He was betrayed by them. He clears his throat and calls Ray.

“ _My driver will be there in 10.”_

So they have 10 minutes before Mike leaves and Harvey has no idea why he suddenly feels like he’s losing him all over again. Like he will miss him like crazy once he’s gone. He tries hard to fight this feeling. Losing had vanished from his vocabulary 12 years ago and he hates that the concept just found its old spot in his mind like it was never really gone in the first place.

Mike looks at him, biting his lower lip nervously. His eyes seem to ask a thousand questions Harvey can’t really pinpoint so he wets his lips trying to maintain his now famous badass lawyer emotionless poker face and the next thing he knows, Mike’s pressing a very soft kiss on his lips. And Harvey responds, deepening the kiss, his hands roaming Mike’s back under his t-shirt. Mike cups Harvey’s face, his thumbs caressing his jaw. Their eyes are locked and none of them seems to want to break the spell. Mike closes his eyes and moans into Harvey’s mouth, his eager tongue teasing every corner of it.

Gasping for air a minute later, they both take a step back, their hands still on each other.

“ _I gotta go._ ”, Mike says, letting go of Harvey’s face and grabbing his cellphone. “ _Thanx for lunch and for the ride._ ”

Harvey opens his mouth to speak but the words won’t come out. Ask him to stay ? Ask him what the kiss was for ? Ask him if this is a farewell ?

Mike steps into the private elevator and presses the button looking down at his feet the whole time. Harvey watches the cabin go down. It takes every inch of willpower not to cry like he just lost his dad again. He falls on his knees and buries his head in his hands.


	9. She's going to love you !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more ! Thanx for the nice reviews ! <3

Donna’s waiting for the elevator, scrolling down her Instagram feed when her phone rings.

“ _Harvey ?”_

She can hear him sob at the other end of the line.

“ _Are you home ?_ ”

“ _Yes_.”, Harvey answers, barely audible.

“ _I’ll be right there_.”, she says, hanging up, her stomach clenching.

She has seen Harvey cry. Once. When she had to break the news about his father’s death to him. He did not exactly cry then, but his eyes were filled with silent tears.

Something has to be seriously wrong, she thinks.

She calls Ray.

“ _Donna ! What a pleasure ! How are you ?_ ”, Harvey’s driver asks joyfully.

“ _I’m fine Ray, but Harvey’s not. Could you meet me at Pearson Hardman ? I need to go check on him._ ”

“ _I’m driving M. Ross back to his hotel on 5 th avenue, I’ll meet you in 30 minutes._”

“ _No it’s fine Ray, I’ll take a cab, this cannot wait. It’s an emergency._ ”

“ _I’m sorry Donna. Let me know how he is, please._ ”

Donna agrees, thanks him and hangs up her cell to hail a cab.

She texts Harvey to let him know she’ll be right there.

 

When she enters his building, she greets Rick in the lobby and heads for the regular elevators. She doesn’t want to startle Harvey, she wants to knock on his door and let him take his time to answer it.

Which she does.

She hears a muffled “ _Come in._ ” and lets herself in.

“ _Harvey…_ ”, she runs towards the senior partner who is sitting on the couch, head buried in his hands, shoulders heaving.

“ _What happened ?_ ”, she asks softly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Harvey shivers at the touch. Donna knows he probably can’t speak yet so she just presses harder on his shoulder, letting him know he can take the time he needs to regain control.

They sit like this for a couple of minutes before Donna goes to the kitchen to pour a glass of water that she hands to Harvey. He takes it but doesn’t drink it. He just stares aimlessly.

Donna then proceeds to trash the remaining of their lunch and puts the dirty plates in the dishwasher.

“ _He left. Again._ ”, Harvey sobs, now uncontrollably.

Donna sighs.

“ _You have got to tell me what happened, Harvey. And I don’t just mean today. I mean 12 years ago. I know it was hard but that’s about all I know. And to understand what you’re going through right now, I need to know what happened then._ ”, she says, washing her hands.

Harvey blows his nose, takes off his tie and opens the first two buttons of his shirt. Donna can see him taking big breaths, trying to regain some composure. Tears are still falling from his eyes.

His jaw tightens and he sighs heavily, letting out a painful sound.

It’s like everything he had buried deep inside for so long is finally coming out in the most embarrassing way. He presses a hand on his stomach to ease the pain. Then he’s on his feet, running for the bathroom.

Donna can hear him throw up.

“ _Fucking shit !_ ”, he screams, his voice still shaky.

There’s water running.

 

He comes back to the living room in a pair of sweatpants and an old washed up Harvard t-shirt.

“ _We clicked instantly. New-Yorkers born and raised._ ”, he starts speaking, clearing his dry throat. “ _We met during orientation day and I guess the attraction was mutual. We lived in the same dorm, attended the same classes, spent all our time together. We would either stay in his room or mine and play guitar, study or just talk for hours. I told him everything about my cheating mum, my difficult relationship with my father, Paul… Mike told me about the death of his parents, his grandmother, his homosexuality. He was, well, is a genius. He was 4 years younger than me when he applied for Harvard.”_

Harvey pauses, taking a sip of water. Donna knows better than to ask him anything that might interrupt his train of thought, so she just leans back against the couch and purses her lips.

“ _We were inseparable. We shared everything. We became best friends and it would be us against the world. A little bit after the first semester, when we were done with half of our exams, we decided we would go back to New York for the week-end. I had money from my birthday and we both needed a change of scenery. So we took the train…_ ”

 

\-------------------------------

 

“ _Oh my God Harvey, can you believe it ? We’re going back to New York ! I can’t wait to see Grammy ! She’s going to love you !_ ”, Mike said, putting his bag in the overhead compartment.

Harvey had told him he would visit his brother but not his parents. He hadn’t talked to his mum for years anyway. So Mike had told him he could stay at his Grammy’s with him for the weekend.

“ _I’m happy to finally meet her and beat her at backgammon !_ ”

Mike laughed. “ _Not a chance Harvey, she’s a backgammon master. Since she retired, she’s been playing everyday with her friends, she’s trained like a champion !_ ”

They spent the 3-hour train ride from Boston to New-York rather silently, each reading a school book.

They took the subway from the station to Mike’s grandmother’s apartment. It was in an on old, rather dirty looking building in Brooklyn.

They climbed the stairs to the third floor and Mike knocked on the door.

“ _Michael !_ ”, his Grammy said, taking the young man in his arms.

“ _How are you Grammy ?_ ”

“ _I’m fine, come in gentlemen !_ ”, she said, opening the door and shifting to the side to let them in.

“ _Grammy, this is Harvey. Harvey, meet my grandmother, Edith._ ”, Mike said, gesturing between the two of them.

“ _What a handsome gentleman._ ”, Grammy said, offering her hand.

“ _Nice to finally meet you, Edith. Mike talks about you all the time._ ”, Harvey shook her hand, blushing.

“ _I could say the same, Harvey. It sometimes sounds like Mike’s going to Harvey Law rather than Harvard Law !_ ”, she laughed, pointing at her sofa for them to sit down.

“ _Grammy…_ ”, Mike groaned.

 

They spent the afternoon going through old family pictures, Edith feeding them embarrassing stories from Mike’s childhood and apple pie with tea. After dinner, the boys decided they wanted to hit a bar and enjoy the New York nightlife. There was a small place Mike used to go before he moved to Boston, where he would meet up with his high school friends.

They both ordered beers.

“ _It feels so strange to be back here. It feels like we’ve been gone for years !_ ”, Mike said, emptying the content of his beer bottle in a glass.

“ _I know. But it feels great to escape from Boston. Wanna come with me to see my brother tomorrow ? I’m supposed to meet him at Grand Central during his lunch break._ ”

“ _Sure ! I’d love to meet him. The other half !_ ”

“ _Well, we’ve never been really close. We’re very different. Intellectually, I mean. You’re more my other half than he’s ever been, you know ?_ ’

To that, Mike blushed and smiled. Harvey had just recently realised how much in love he was with his best friend. He had just realised how he loved to see him smile. The blushing part he had discovered a long time ago but the smile was new. He often caught himself staring at Mike’s mouth while he spoke. He had hoped this weekend away from school would help him find the strength to try something.

They had been flirting for months and he knew there was a tension between them whenever they were standing really close to each other, whenever they touched, so he was wondering why Mike had not tried to make a pass at him. Mike was openly gay and had told Harvey very early in their friendship. But things were a little bit different for Harvey. He knew he was attracted to both genders but he had never even kissed a guy.

 

After a couple of beers, they paid the tab and headed outside.

“ _Wanna walk back instead of taking the subway ?_ ”, Harvey asked. He needed more time alone with Mike and the two beers had him slightly lightheaded, just what he needed to cool down.

“ _Sure._ ”, Mike replied.

They were walking slowly, their shoulders almost touching when Harvey finally found the courage to try something. He gently took Mike’s hand in his. Mike turned his head to him but Harvey kept his gaze firmly in front, avoiding eye contact. Mike squeezed his hand.

They did not talk until they were back at the apartment, Mike then letting go of Harvey’s hand to search for his keys.

“ _Grammy’s probably asleep._ ”, he whispered, placing his index finger on his lips.

Harvey put his hand on his shoulder making him jump a little bit. He stepped closer, took Mike’s face in his hands and kissed him. They both closed their eyes, seizing the moment they had both been waiting for since orientation day. Mike smiled against Harvey’s lips and gently swept his fingers across his burning cheeks.

“ _Let’s go inside._ ”, he said, opening the door. “ _I know you’re supposed to sleep on the couch and my single bed may not be made for two, but if you want to keep warm, you, uh, can come sleep in my room…_ ”

Harvey smiled widely and followed Mike into the bedroom.


	10. Why did you leave me, Mike ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so i started to write this chapter yesterday night on my crappy personal computer (about 1000 words) then Word shut down and i couldn't save it so i basically had to rewrite it. Ugh, i hate when that happens !  
> Anyway, i'm referring to a song in this chapter, which you can check here :  
> http://youtu.be/b_o6ZIBxih4  
> It was featured in season 3 ep 2. I also added a cliquable word in the text.  
> Hope you like this chapter. Let me know ! Thanx for reading.

“ _This is a beautiful story, Harvey._ ”, Donna said. " _Beautiful and heartbreaking. You should totally consider selling it to Hollywood. I can smell an Oscar performance. For the guy playing you, of course. Who would you pick ? I’d personally go with Ryan Reynolds._ ”

“ _Who’s Ryan Reynolds ? Is he even hot ?_ ”, Harvey asks, pouring two glasses of Chardonnay.

“ _I can’t believe you don’t know him, Harvey ! Do you not do any else but close rich clients and admire the view from your house in the clouds ?_ ”

She smiles at him teasingly.

“ _Actually I do. I watch sports, go to the gym and fuck pretty girls and sexy guys._ ”, he pauses, his eyes suddenly darker. “ _It’s kinda sad I guess… That makes me look like a shallow self-centred piece of shit. Which I really feel like most of the time._ ”

Donna shrugs and sighs.

“ _You’ve built up huge unbreakable walls around you. You can’t stand the idea of hurting. Actually scratch that, you can’t stand emotions, period. And it is sad. I know you, Harvey, you’re a good man. You just need to let people in._ ”, she places a hand on his knee. “ _It’s amazing how easily Mike was able to break down those thick walls, though. But I guess it makes some sense since he’s the one you built them up for in the first place._ ”

She takes a large gulp of wine and gets on her feet.

“ _Look, Harvey. This ended badly once, I will not let it happen again. You need to tell him how you feel, how he made you feel. It’s the only way you’ll move on. You said he’s in New York for a few more days ? Then call him and set up a meeting._ ”, she says, handing him his phone with a knowing look.

Harvey takes the phone and unlocks it.

There is a text from Mike.

“ _Sorry._ ”

That’s all it says. He holds the phone up for Donna to see.

“ _See ? He’s sorry. Call him now, Harvey._ ”

Harvey takes a deep breath.

“ _Fine. Mom._ ”, he replies, pouting.

He presses the call button and Mikes answers on the first ring.

“ _Harvey._ ”, is all Mike can manage.

“ _Mike._ ”, Harvey says, his voice law. “ _I got your text. Do you think we could maybe have dinner together and really talk it through ?_ ”

“ _Tonight ? We’re in the middle of rehearsals right now. Wait, I’d love for you to see me, uh, us play and since you missed the show yesterday…_ ”

“ _Hum, sure. I’ve got some errands to run then I’ll come._ ”, Harvey replies. He doesn’t have any errands to run. Unless getting his shit back together counts as one.

“ _Great. Bring Donna if she’s not busy, she’s really cool. I’ll text you the address. See you later ?_ ”

“ _Yeah. She’d love to come. See you later._ ”

He hangs up the phone. The heavy pain in his chest seems lighter and the wine eased his anger.

“ _I’ll go get change. Call Ray. We're going to watch the band rehearse._ ”, he says, heading to the bedroom. Donna jumps with joy.

 

A text from Mike and an hour later, Ray’s pulling up in front of a small downtown theatre.

Gegory, the band’s drummer, is smoking while typing on this phone frantically. He lifts his head up when he hears car doors closing.

“ _Hey Donna ! So great to see you again !_ ”, he says, hugging her. “ _Hey_ ”, he then says, offering his hand for Harvey to shake. “ _To whom do I owe the pleasure ?_ ”

“ _Gregory, this is Harvey, a friend of Mike’s. Harvey, this is Gregory, Infinite Loops’s drummer._ ”, Donna says.

“ _You mean THE Harvey ? Wow, pleasure to meet you dude ! And thank you for the endless source of inspiration. You know, Mike wouldn’t have anything to sing about if it wasn’t for you._ ”, Gregory says, throwing away his cigarette butt.

“ _Well, I wouldn't know about that._ ”, Harvey says, smiling nervously.

“ _Not a fan ?_ ”, Gregory laughs. “ _You here for the rehearsals ? Follow me._ ”

Gregory leads them to the balcony overlooking the stage.

“ _Sit here, it’s the best spot._ ”, he says, gesturing to the red velvet chairs.

“ _Please, don’t tell Mike we’re here._ ”, Donna whispers in his ear.

Gregory gives her two thumbs up and leaves.

 

The stage is rather small and Mike is adjusting his guitar with one hand, glancing at his cell with the other.

“ _Alright, guys, you ready ?_ ”, he asks, as Gregory takes a sit behind the set of drums.

There is a collective “ _Yep_ ” and the band suddenly strikes up.

Mike closes his eyes and starts to **[sing](http://youtu.be/b_o6ZIBxih4)** :

_Well I’m lazy in the morning time_  
 _And I’m easy in the moonlight_  
 _Well i can’t bear to see my friends_  
 _I think I nearly reached the end_  
 _And my chest don’t feel right_  
 _Since you kissed it last night_  
 _Now I don’t know what I’m living for_  
 _It’s just black on my red door_  
 _But I wrote this song to get the message through_  
 _Cause baby I’m addicted to you_

Harvey shivers. It sounds great and Mike’s voice fits perfectly. This is the song he wrote for Mike’s 20th birthday, the song he just gave the band permission to record. And Mike to sing.

“ _This is the song, right ?_ ”, Donna whispers.

Harvey nods and runs a hand through his already messed up hair.

Donna had thought it’d be better if Mike didn’t know Harvey was here but now he’s playing this particular song, she thinks he needs to know Harvey’s watching. So she stands up, approaches the railing of the balcony and waves at Mike.

He doesn’t stop singing but Donna can see his eyes widening when he sees Harvey. He waves back, puts his guitar down and takes the microphone in both hands. He takes a deep breath and starts singing the third verse in a very low-pitched voice.

_So I take a walk after dark_  
 _And I’m knocking back the makers mark_  
 _Oh I need a shot of innocence_  
 _Cause my heart’s surrounded by a fence_  
 _And I’m shaking like wet leaf_  
 _Cause my hood is leaking underneath_  
 _So pray I to the Gods above_  
 _But i can’t decide which one_  
 _Which one will help me get this message through_  
 _Cause baby I’m addicted to you_

He winks at Harvey. This is exactly the way Harvey used to sing this song and Mike used to mimic it to make fun of him. Harvey laughs, winking back.

The song ends and Mike high fives his bandmates.

“ _So, Harvey._ ”, He says, through the mic, looking up to the balcony. “ _This was our very first time actually playing this song. And I think I speak for the band when I say thank you for allowing us to record it. This is going to be a great addition to the already recorded material for our next album and we’re gonna have a blast with it on tour. So thank you. I hope you like it._ ”

Harvey smiles and nods.

 

They play for another hour and a half.

“ _Okay, we're done for the day guys. Go get some rest._ ”, a man says. Probably their tour manager.

Mike puts his guitar down and grabs Neal’s arm. He says something to which Neal smiles and nods and then softly presses his lips to his. Mike then gestures for Donna and Harvey to come down.

They all leave the stage but Mike.

“ _So, about dinner, is it still on?_ ”, he asks Harvey.

“ _Yeah. I know a nice place in Brooklyn._ ”, he replies, smirking.

Mike laughs and Donna takes it as her cue to leave to two former lovers alone.

“ _I’ll see you tomorrow at work, Harvey._ ”, she says, pressing a kiss on his cheek. “ _You two behave. Bye, Mike, nice meeting you._ ”

She knows somehow that she’ll be seeing him again soon.

 

About 20 minutes later, Mike has showered and changed and they’re both stepping in a cab.

“ _You sure this is safe ?_ ”, Harvey asks.

“ _As long as I don’t tweet about my location, we should be fine._ ”, Mike replies, putting on his sunglasses and hood. Harvey rolls his eyes.

 

The drive to Brooklyn is rather uneventful, the men chatting about the band’s next tour dates.

They’re seated and waiting for they pizza to arrive when Harvey drops the bomb.

“ _Why did you leave me, Mike ?_ ”


	11. Did I ever mean anything to you ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter. Hope you enjoy it ! Thanx for reading.

After the boys left, Donna is heading out when she hears Neal shout her name.

“ _Donna ! Wait !_ ”

She turns and smiles, holding the door.

“ _Neal, I was just leaving, it seems like Harvey and Mike have a lot to catch up on._ ”

“ _I know…_ ”, Neal says sombrely.

Donna brushes a hand on his forearm.

“ _It must be difficult for you…_ ”, she says.

“ _I know I should be happy for Mike, he finally gets to put an end to years of 'what ifs' and pain… I can’t help but feel unwanted._ ”

“ _Don’t, Neal. Mike loves you. You said it, they both need to put an end to years of misery. But it will all be good in the end._ ”, she tries to sound convinced but she’s apparently doing a poor job at it since Neal’s cocking his head, giving her a “you know it won’t” look.

“ _What exactly did Mike tell you about Harvey ?_ ”, she asks.

“ _It’s a pretty long and complicated story…_ ”, he says, reaching down to sit on the door steps. “ _When Mike and I met, after I auditioned for the band, he was just like a sailor, with a guy in every port. He was screwing around. We started dating and he told me he hadn’t had a committed relationship since he broke up with his last boyfriend, but he was willing to try with me._ ”

Donna smiles. Just like Harvey, she thinks.

“ _I never asked what had happened because we were having a good time, everything was perfect actually. We had been together for nearly two years when I asked him to move in with me. He agreed but something felt off, like he didn’t really want to but didn’t want to upset me. So he moved in. The first two months were great. He still had a lot of unpacking to do cause we were always on the road. So one day, we decided to unpack the last boxes and I opened a box full of pictures and what looked like souvenirs._ ”, he sighs.

Donna places a hand on his knee.

“ _That’s when you found out about Harvey ?_ ”, she asks.

“ _Well, kind of. I took some pictures out. There was this ruffled surfer boy slash underwear model with Mike in each and every one of them. I instantly connected the dots. I asked him it was his ex boyfriend. He got mad, put everything back in the box and closed it, telling me his name was Harvey and that I should never touch this box again. We did not finish unpacking. We had a big fight and a week later he had bought a house and was moving out his stuff. I realized I had touched a really sensitive spot. He told me he loved me but couldn’t move in with me because that would be a mistake and he had done enough mistakes in his life. I got that he was talking about Harvey. But that’s all I know. That he made a mistake that cost him the love of his life_.”

Donna gets back to her feet and straightens her dress. She quit smoking almost 10 years ago but right now, she could really use a cigarette.

“ _So he moved out and you stayed together ?_ ”, she asks.

“ _I love him, Donna. I knew I’d never fully have him but I decided I’d take what I could get._ ”, he pauses. “ _I know, that’s lame and cowardly._ ”

Donna snorts.

“ _It’s not lame, Neal. You love him, and that’s what love is. Accepting people and taking what they’re willing to give you. You just gotta make sure you don’t suffer too much, though._ ”

“ _Anyway, they’re probably laughing and drinking to old times… I feel lost. And I don’t want to tell Mike because I don’t want him to think I’m jealous or freaking out, cause I’m not. It's just that i thought Harvey was just an old memory. Now he’s real. And having dinner with my boyfriend…_ ”, he says, tears filling his big blue eyes. “ _He wouldn’t even hug me last night, Donna._ ”

Donna takes him in her arms and brushes a hand across his back to soothe him.

“ _If it is any consolation to you, they’re probably not having fun right now._ ”

And she’s right.

 

\----------------------

 

“ _Why did you leave me, Mike ?_ ”

Mike’s heart skips a beat and he tries hard to hold Harvey’s sad gaze.

“ _Well, I kind of expected a line of questioning. Just not you going straight to this question._ ”, he swallows hard and takes a second to consider his answer. “ _When I got kicked out, -_ “, he starts but is cut by the waiter bringing their pizzas.

“ _Thank you._ ”, he says.

“ _Oh my God, you’re Mike Ross from Infinite Loop !_ ”, the waiter shouts.

“ _Yes, that’s me._ ”, Mike whispers. “ _Could you please lower your voice so I have a chance to enjoy my meal peacefully ?_ ”, he continues.

The waiter blushes and gives his apologies.

“ _Of course, I’m sorry. I’ll let you two enjoy your meal._ ”, he leaves.

“ _So ?_ ”, Harvey says, cutting a piece of his pizza. “ _When you got kicked out…_ ”

“ _Yeah. I needed the money. All I had to do was memorize this maths test and give it to the guy. I mean, I never expected to get caught…_ ”, he says, ingesting a mouthful of pizza.

“ _Of course you didn’t. Why didn’t you tell me you needed money ? And what was it for anyway ?_ ”

Mike gestures to his mouth.

“ _Ok, since when do you care about talking with food in you mouth ?_ ”, Harvey snorts.

Mike clears his mouth and takes a sip of beer.

“ _Since I grew up, Harvey._ ”, he rolls his eyes. “ _I didn’t tell you because you couldn’t help me. I needed money to pay for Grammy’s hip surgery. Since she fell down that one time, she was having troubles taking long walks or climbing stairs. She went to the doctor and he said she’d need a surgery to fix it. But our healthcare plan didn’t include that kind of procedure. She said she’d be fine and would deal with it. I didn’t want the woman who raised me having to suffer for the rest of her life_.”

“ _Again, why didn’t you tell me, Mike ? Maybe I couldn’t help you with the money but I could have helped you find another way to get the money. Jesus, what were you thinking ? We had agreed to tell each other everything. You know how I feel about lying or concealing._ ”

“ _I know…_ ”, Mike puts down his fork and wipes his mouth with the corner of his napkin. “ _I freaked out. I was worried about Grammy. I knew you would not agree with my little plan and I couldn’t think of any other way to get the money, so I decided to not tell you at all. I thought I’d sell the test, get the money, send it to Grammy and move on with my life…_ ”

“ _But you got caught._ ”

“ _Yeah, I got caught. We were supposed to go to Ethic class, I’d said I’d meet you there because I got called to the Dean’s office. Fifteen minutes later, I was out of the building. I’d been expelled and had to leave the premises immediately. I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I didn’t know how. What was I supposed to say : “Hey Harvey, I got kicked out. I have to move like right now. I didn’t tell you but I sold a maths test and got caught. Bye now !”, uh ?_ ”

Harvey smirked.

“ _I would have freaked out, and I would probably have yelled at you. But you_ left _, Mike. You just_ left _. You put a fucking sticky note on my door for everyone to see, and_ left _!_ ”, Harvey said sharply, trying not to shout. “ _I tried to call your cell but it was already out of service. You never tried to contact me. Not even once. I learned through Jenny that you were still alive. I mean…_ ”, Harvey hesitates, breathing heavily through gritted teeth. “ _Do you have any fucking idea how that made me feel ? I thought we loved each other. I love you like I have never loved anybody before._ ”, Harvey continues, Mike’s cheek flushing at the present tense he has used. “ _I was completely alone. Eveybody in the dorm saw that note. They spent the rest of the year looking at me with pity. I wanted to just die. Thinking that you could just leave me and get on with your life like nothing ever happened between us ? That made me feel completely worthless._ “

Tears are pooling in his brown eyes and Mike’s heart breaks a little more.

Harvey then looks away, as the clear memories of that day unfold before his eyes.

“ _Harvey, I’m sorry. When I got kicked out I felt my world was crumbling and that I had nothing to hold on to anymore.”,_ Mike says softly.

 _“But you had me ! Did I ever mean_ anything _to you ?”_

Harvey wants to get up and leave, and run and cry and throw up and scream and shout. It’s been a long and emotionally challenging day but he needs to keep his calm and act like a grown up. He wipes away the small tears falling down his cheek and straighten in his chair.

“ _I didn’t see it that way then. I felt like I had betrayed you. I had lied to you and now I was leaving you to move back to New-York. I had screwed up and I thought you’d never forgive me so I just ran away. I didn’t want to see your face, to see you angry and disappointed at me. That would have been the worse feeling ever and I already felt pretty shitty. I couldn’t face you after that. I’m so sorry Harvey._ ” Mike says, taking Harvey’s hand in his.

“ _I need some fresh air, Mike. Are you finished with your pizza ?”_ , Harvey says, standing up, searching for his wallet.

“ _Yeah, I’m done. Let’s get out of here._ ”

When they’re at the register to pay for their meal, they hear a commotion outside the small restaurant.

“ _Fuck !_ ”, Mike groans. “ _Fucking paparazzi !_ ”

He glances at their waiter who blushes and quickly goes to a table in the back.

“ _Son of a bitch._ ”, Harvey spits out.

“ _Let’s get this over with. Ready to run ?_ ”, Mike smiles, taking a hold of Harvey’s arm. “ _1, 2, 3, Go !_ ”.

Mike opens the door and there suddenly are a hundred flash lights appearing around them.

“ _Get the fuck out of my way !_ ”, Mike shouts, breaking through the crowd of paparazzi, tightening his hold on Harvey’s arm.

They start running and laughing, only a few photographers follow them but they quickly shake them off.

They stop in an alley, still laughing and panting, trying to catch their breath.

“ _Oh my God, that was awesome !_ ”, Harvey says in a laugh, leaning against a wall.

Mike rolls his eyes, smiling.

“ _You won’t be laughing anymore when you see your face on every gossip blog and magazine tomorrow, trust me !_ ”, he says.

“ _At least I’m dressed properly and I don’t have anything between my teeth. Well, I hope so anyway. Do I ?_ ”, Harvey says, showing his teeth to Mike.

“ _You don’t._ ”, Mike says. “ _You look perfect. As usual._ ”

Harvey purses his lips and grabs Mike by the hips.

He opens his mouth to protest but Harvey’s parted lips find their way to his and they kiss. Again.


	12. What are we doing, Harvey ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooow ! More than 2200 hits ! Warms my heart ! Thanx again for reading, let me know what you think !

They kiss for two full minutes before parting to catch their breath.

" _God I missed kissing you..._ ", Harvey murmurs against Mike's lips.

It smells like pizza and beer and it smells like Mike.

Mike whimpers, keeping his eyes closed.

" _Come home with me._ ", Harvey says, caressing his jaw.

Mike opens his eyes. They're pleading.

" _Harvey, don't..._ "

" _You don't want to or you can't ?_ "

" _I can't. Of course I want to. I missed you like crazy. But I'm with Neal now. It's not fair to him._ "

Harvey sighs. He looks away but still doesn't let go of Mike's face.

Mike buries his face in Harvey's neck.

" _Mike..._ ", Harvey says, pressing kisses on the top of his head. " _Come home with me._ "

He takes Mike's hand and leads him back on the main street to hail a cab.

" _You okay ?_ "

" _I am more than okay. And I shouldn't be, that's the problem..._ ", Mike replies.

Harvey can't help but smile.

A cab pulls up in front of them. Harvey opens the car door for Mike and climbs in after him.

He gives his address to the driver and takes Mike's hand. Mike is looking out the window, bitting his lower lip nervously. Harvey squeezes his hand.

 

 

After a totally silent cab ride, they arrive at Harvey's.

" _Want a drink ?_ "

" _Yes, what do you have ?_ "

" _Hum let me see..._ ", Harvey says, pretending to be looking in a cupboard. " _Scotch, scotch or... scotch ?_ "

Mike laughs. " _Scotch it is, then._ "

Harvey pours them each a thumb of the amber liquor and they both take a sit on the couch.

" _It's crazy. I feel like so much has happened and it's only been 24 hours since you came to see me before the show._ ", Mike says, emptying his glass in one gulp.

He grimaces as the liquid goes down his throat.

" _Too strong ?_ ", Harvey teases.

" _Never._ ", Mike replies, refilling his glass.

" _Help yourself._ ", Harvey rolls his eyes.

" _So, what now ?_ ", Mike says, avoiding Harvey's eyes.

The older man raises his eyebrows and chuckles.

" _What, do I get to decide what happens now ?_ "

" _Since I don't seem to be able to say no to you, you should consider taking advantage._ ", Mike replies poking Harvey's shoulder.

" _You never were able to say no to me._ ", he says poking back.

Harvey puts his glass on the coffee table and takes Mike's from his hands. He shifts closer to the young man and kisses him. Mike responds and deepens the kiss. Harvey's hands venture under Mike's shirt and start roaming his back.

Harvey lies down on the couch taking Mike with him.

They make out like teenagers. Like the very young adults they were 12 years ago. And Harvey suddenly feels more relaxed than he can remember having ever been. This feels right. This feels _home_. He knows Mike's body like the back of his hands and exploring his skin tonight feels like he's never really stopped doing it. Oh he has dreamt about the day they would meet again. Even if he quicky stopped trying to contact him or even thinking about him, there were still dreams about the two of them meeting by chance and reconnecting like fate had just put them back on same path.

Mike's phone starts ringing.

" _God..._ ", he mumbles, pulling away from Harvey to retrieve his phone from his back pocket. " _It's Neal..._ "

He sits up on the couch and stares at the screen.

" _What are we doing Harvey ?_ ", he asks more to himself than to Harvey. He had asked Neal if he could have dinner with Harvey to clear things up and promised it would be ok. Neal had smiled his fucking perfect smile and whispered " _Of course._ ". Neal is perfect. Smart, generous, funny, really nice, patient and fucking gorgeous. He has never asked of Mike more than what he knows he can give. But he isn't Harvey.

" _I don't know._ ", Harvey replies, bringing Mike back to reality. " _I don't know what we're doing. All I know is that it feels right._ "

Mike unlocks his phone and starts typing a text to Neal.

" _Dinner went great, out for a few more drinks. Don't wait up for me. xo_ "

He wants to type the usual "love you" but he can't. Not when he's about to cheat on him with his ex boyfriend.

" _Ok, where were we ?_ ", he says, putting his phone away and lying back down next to Harvey.

 

A couple of hours later, they do not look like teenagers anymore.

Clothes are scattered around the apartment and the two men are sweating, naked bodies and mouths pressed together on Harvey’s bed.

" _Eww, we reek !_ ", Mike says, panting.

Harvey laughs, gets up and leave the room.

He comes back with two bottles of water and hands one to Mike.

" _I wish you could stay for the night._ ", he says wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Mike sighs and presses a kiss on Harvey’s shoulder.

" _I’ll take a shower and go. It’s way past my usual curfew._ ", he says, trying to lighten the mood.

It suddenly seems like the reality of what they just did hits them with full force.

Harvey had always hoped but never really thought he’d see Mike again, let alone fuck him again. Now he’s sitting on his messy bed while Mike is quickly cleaning any evidence off his body. Harvey just did what he loathed above all : cheat. Well, he didn’t technically cheat since he’s not in a relationship but he slept with, actually fucked in every room and into the matress, Mike who is. He takes his head in his hands.

" _I can smell regret._ ", Mike says, coming out of the bathroom, a towel around his hips. " _Actually it smells like hot sex in here._ "

He laughs and leaves the room to get his clothes.

Harvey smiles and lies back down on the bed.

Mike comes back a couple of minutes later to find Harvey asleep. He kisses his forhead and quitely leaves the condo.


	13. I clearly remember you begging last night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s yet another chapter. I won’t be able to write or post this weekend because I’m attending my gay friends’ wedding near Paris. Next chapter will be either Sunday night or Monday afternoon. Thanx for reading.

Harvey wakes up to his phone ringing.

He looks at the screen and clears his throat.

“ _Donna._ ”, he says, rubbing his fist on his eyes.

“ _Harvey ! What did you do with Mike ?_ ”, she shouts.

“ _What ? Why ? Listen Donna, I just woke up, can’t it wait til I’m at the office ?_ ”

“ _You should already be proofing briefs in your office, Harvey, it’s 9:30._ ”, she replies smugly.

“ _Oh my God, what ? I’ll be right there._ ” And with that he hangs up and heads to the bathroom.

 

When he steps into his office an hour later, there’s a file on his desk. Inside are dozens of printed Internet pages.

He reads the first one :

 

> “ **EXCLUSIVE : Mike Ross caught cheating on Neal Caffrey !**
> 
> After a critically acclaimed performance at Madison Square Garden yesterday, Mike Ross, Infinite Loop’s frontman, was seen having dinner with an unidentified man in Brooklyn. At one point during their meal, they were caught holding hand. Both quickly exited the restaurant but our photographers were able to snap a few pictures of the happy couple running away. Stay tuned for more !”

 

There is a picture of a smiling Mike dragging an equally smiling Harvey through the crowd of cameras. He takes another page.

 

> “ **EXCLUSIVE : Mike Ross’s new boyfriend ID’d !**
> 
> We were the 1st ones to tell you about Infinite Loop’s frontman new boyfriend. Our spies saw them taking a cab to a swanky Manhattan neighbourhood, Mike Ross leaving the place on his own a couple of hours later. Walk of shame, much ? Turns out his new love interest is Harvey Specter, a successful New-York lawyer.”

 

He stops there, his stomach clenching. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his middle finger and thumb in exasperation. There is a picture of him taken from the Pearson Hardman’s website with a caption that says “ _Harvey Specter, Mike Ross’s new hot boyfriend_.”

Donna chooses this moment to enter his office.

“ _I guess you’ve seen ?"_ , she asks, closing the door behind her.

“ _This is terrible. Mike should have been more careful. What the hell was he thinking ?_ ”, he shouts, standing up and walking to the window. “ _Jessicas’s going to be so upset when she sees this. Not a great image of the firm…_ ”

“ _Is that what you’re worried about Harvey ?_ ”, Donna asks in disbelief. “ _Do you have any idea how Neal must be feeling right now ? The whole world now knows Mike cheated on him ! Poor boy..._ ”, she sighs, remembering the conversation she had with Neal the day before.

There’s a knock on the door. Katrina, Harvey’s associate, gives him a questioning look before he gestures for her to come in.

“ _M. Specter, I have the documents you asked for the Merkel merger._ ”, she says, putting the files on his desk and glancing at the printed pages. She swallows rather hard and gives Harvey a reassuring look.

She leaves the office and as Harvey watches her go, he can see paralegals and associates through the glass walls. They’re talking to each other looking at him.

“ _Please scare them away, Donna._ ”, he says, sitting back at his desk, discarding the gossip file. “ _And get me a coffee. Please._ ”

 

Harvey tries to get work done but he can’t stop thinking about what they have done and what might be the consequences. Then his phone blips.

“ _Harvey, we need to fix this. Our manager wants to see you. Call me when you can. Mike_ ”

Harvey bursts out laughing. He cannot believe his eyes. He doesn't _need_ to do anything. He presses the call back button.

“ _Thanx for calling, Harvey, -_ “

“ _I’m not meeting with your manager Mike, I’m not fixing anything. You clean after you own mess._ ”,he says coldly.

“ _My mess ? You may not be familiar with how fame works but I am. We have contracts and they depend on how people see us and what we did last night needs to be fixed._ ”

“ _I guess you’re not familiar with fame either, Mike. You got caught, I’m just accidentally dragged into your mess, I didn’t ask for anything and now my face is all over the Internet along with my name and address !_ ”, he shouts, pacing around his office.

“ _You didn’t ask for anything ? That’s your defense ? Cause I clearly remember you begging last night, Harvey. Didn’t you ?_ ”

Harvey feels the anger rising as his grip on the phone tightens.

“ _That’s not what I’m talking about, Mike, and you know it. Don’t try to change the subject. I’m not talking to your manager about last night, period._ ”

“ _You did beg and you loved every fucking minute of it, admit it. That’s why it needs to be fixed._ “, Mike says, lowering his voice. “ _I broke up with Neal._ ”

“ _You did what ?_ ”

“ _I broke up with him. Before he got the chance to read anything. I ended it._ ”, Mike replies sadly.

There is a pause. Neither man knows what to say next.

Harvey closes his eyes. His life has taken a serious turn in just 24 hours. He feels ashamed but also happier than he’s been for years. It’s like he found the missing piece of the puzzle but he had to break a man’s heart to put the missing piece back in place. They broke Neal’s heart and he hates himself for that because he knows exactly what it feels like to have your heart ripped of your chest.

Donna enters his office with a cup of coffee.

“ _If you broke up with him, then there’s nothing to be fixed, uh ?_ ”, he says, taking the coffee cup from Donna’s hand and thanking her with a nod.

“ _Well, not technically fix, but we have to agree on a common version of last night’s events and you need to sign a undertaking of confidentiality._ ”

Harvey shrugs.

“ _Isn’t it a bit contradictory ? We need a agree on a story I can’t tell when I sign the confidentiality clause ?_ ”

“ _Lawyers…_ ”, Mike laughs. “ _Could you make some time today so our manager and I can come by your office with the papers ?_ ”

“ _Are you sure you want to take that risk ? Paparazzi, remember ?_ ”

“ _Harvey, the story’s out. There’s nothing more they can print about us. Plus, our manager arranged for the press to believe that we’re leaving New-York in an hour. They’re gonna be at the airport._ ”

“ _When are you really leaving ?_ ”, Harvey asks.

“ _Tomorrow afternoon._ ”, he replies sadly.

“ _Hum. Come to my office at 2', I can give you an hour. Then I’ll be heading out to court. Are you free tonight ?_ ”


	14. What happened ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I attended my first gay wedding yesterday ! They've been together for 16 years. It was beautiful.  
> Anyway, here's another chapter taking place the day Mike left Harvey 12 years ago. Hope you like it. Let me know !!!

Harvey was folding his clothes in his small suitcase in his dormroom when there was a knock on the door.

" _Come in !_ ", he said.

Mike entered, hair all over the place, cheeks slightly flushed.

" _Everything alright ?_ ", Harvey said, mentally checking he had everything packed.

Mike and him were supposed to go to New York for the weekend, they were heading to the station straight after Ethic class. Harvey had wanted Mike to meet his parents. He had not yet told them that he was dating Mike, it had almost been 3 years and he wanted to make it official. He was a little nervous since his parents didn't know he was bisexual, but it was really only his father's opinion that mattered to him.

" _Yeah, i'm ok. Look, the Dean wants to see me, I guess it has to do with this semester's rent which I have not yet checked. I'll meet you in class, alright ?_ ", Mike replied, pressing a quick kiss on Harvey's lips.

" _Yeah, sure, don't be late, though, you know Mr. Brentwood hates when one of us shows up late, ok ? You got everything packed up for the weekend ?_ "

Harvey placed his hands on Mike's hips and pressed his forehead on his.

" _Yeah._ "

" _I'll see you in class, then._ "

Another kiss, a longer and deeper one this time, and Mike was gone. Harvey closed his suitcase, took his books and pen and headed out of the building.

He waited impatiently through the whole lecture for Mike to arrive, nervously checking his cell for a message or a call. What was Mike doing ? The class ended and Harvey ran back to his dorm to check on him and get his suitcase.

When he got to his room, he saw a sticky note on his door. A quick glance around and he could see his fellow students looking down. He took the sticky note and read it.

 

 

> "I had to leave. Sorry. So so so sorry. Hope you pass the exams and become the best fucking lawyer this planet's ever seen. Love you. Xoxox Mike"

Harvey went straight to Mike's room to find its door open and the place totally empty. Like it had been the day they moved in 3 years ago. He swallowed really hard and bile rose in his throat. What the fuck was going on ? He folded the note in his back pocket and ran to the admission building.

" _Hi, i, uh, i'm a friend of Mike Ross' and i just found that his dorm has been completely emptied. He didn't say anything about moving and i was, uh, wondering if you could tell me more ?_ ", he asked the nice lady at reception.

" _One of your friends just moved out ?_ "

" _No, i mean, yes ! His room's empty and he did not come to class this morning. I'm a little bit worried, if you could just tell me if he just moved or if something happened to him ?_ ", he corrected, tears pooling in his eyes.

The lady must have seen the distressed look on his face, because she immediately started typing on her keyboard.

" _Michael Ross, 3d year, is that it_ ?", she asked, her eyes not leaving the screen.

Harvey blurted a barely audible " _Yes_ " and the lady took a deep breath.

" _I'm sorry young man, but your friend got terminated this morning. He was asked to live the premises at once. I don't have any other information._ "

Color had drained from his face and tears started to slowly fall down his cheeks. He turned his heels and left the room without thanking the lady. Fists and jaw clenched, heart rate rapidly growning, he took his cellphone out and called Mike.

" _The number you have dialed is no longer in service. The number you have dialed is no longer in service. The number you have dialed is no longer..._ "

Harvey hung up and his phone hit the ground as he fell down to his knees, his shaky legs not able to carry him anymore.

" _Are you alright, dude ?_ ", a passing student asked him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Harvey took a difficult deep breath and got back on his feet. He put his cell back in his pocket, not even bothering to check if it still worked and nodded at the student. He wiped the tears from his eyes, tried to regain some composure and went back to his dorm, legs still wobbling.

What the hell had just happened ? Why had Mike left him ? Why had he been kicked out of Harvard ? What had he done ? Where was he ? Why was his cell out of service ? Would he ever see him again ?

Once back in his room, Harvey digged the folded note out of his pocket and wondered if it was a farewell or just a rushed goodbye. He looked at his suitcase and started to cry. His heart was breaking into a million little pieces and his stomach hurt like hell. He lied down on his bed and burried his head into the pillow in an attempt to muffle his cries but he knew the whole dorm could hear him through the too thin walls.

 

 

When his train reached New-York that night, he was met at the station by his twin brother Paul. He had texted him that he was coming alone after all and that he needed to get high. So naturally, Paul had offered to let him crash at his place and had bought grade A weed from his usual guy. Cause exceptionnal occasions required exceptionnal measures. Paul did not say anything, he just took his twin brother in his arms and let him cry on his shoulder for a couple of minutes on the plateform.

The subway ride to his place was also silent, Paul glancing discreetely at a sobbing Harvey every now and then.

It was only after Harvey was settled on the couch, rolling the first joint that he finally spoke. His voice was law and hoarse from all the crying.

" _Mike left me this morning._ ", he said, grabbing a lighter.

Paul took out two beers from the fridge and sat down next to his brother.

" _What happened ?_ ", he asked softly.

Harvey took a long puff on the joint. He exhaled and ran a hand on his face.

" _I have no idea what happened, that's what's driving me crazy. I just know he got expelled and he left me this note._ ", he said, handing the folded sticky note to Paul.

" _He got kicked out ? For good ?_ "

" _Yeah. And apparently he had to leave immediately. Didn't get a chance to talk to him. His cell is already out of service._ ", Harvey felt more tears filling his tired eyes.

" _Why would he do that to me, Paul ?_ ", he cries, putting his head in his hands.

Paul didn't know what to do. For a start, he didn't really get the situation. Why would Mike want to cut all ties with his boyfriend of almost 3 years just because he got kicked out ? Then, he had never seen Harvey so distressed. He had no idea what to say or do to make his brother feel better. So he rolled another joint and took a puff, waiting for Harvey to be ready to speak again. It took 15 minutes of loud cries for Harvey to finally calm down.

" _I'm sorry Paul. I shouldn't have come. I'm a mess. I can't even see straight._ ", he said, emptying his second bottle of beer.

" _That's exactly why you came, Harvey. Because you needed a ear and a shoulder to cry on. And don't apologise, i'm glad you're here. You should not go through this alone._ ", Paul said, cleaning the coffee table. " _Sleep on it, see how you feel tomorrow, okay ?_ "

 

 

The next morning, Harvey woke up to a pounding headache. His back hurt from sleeping on the hard couch and his mouth was dry. He looked up to see Paul soundly asleep on his bed. He grabbed his shoes, poured himself a glass of water and went for a walk. 

He called Mike's Grammy.

" _Allo ?_ "

" _Hi, Edith, it's Harvey. How are you ?_ ", he asked, not knowing if she knew that her grandson had left Boston. Had he left Boston ? 

" _Harvey ! What a pleasure ! I guess i know what you're calling for..._ ", the old woman said.

" _Have you heard from Mike ? I can't reach him._ "

" _Yes i have. He came to see me yesterday. He's not doing good. But he needs some time alone to figure out his next move._ ", Edith said. " _I'm sorry Harvey. Be patient. It's a huge shock._ "

" _Do you know what happened ? I don't know why he got kicked out..._ "

" _It's not my place to tell you that. Mike said you would call and asked me not to tell you anything, i'm sorry Harvey._ "

" _Fine.",_ he paused. _"Well, it's not fine. But if he doesn't want to talk to me, i guess i'll wait. Thank you Edith. Have a good day._ ", Harvey said, fighting the tears once again.

He ended the call and silently cried for an hour on a banch in a small park.

When his eyes were finally dry again, he took a deep breath and made a decision : Mike didn't feel the need to explain what happened or to let Harvey know when he would contact him ? Then Harvey would not wait for him to call. He would move on, take his final exams and become the best fucking lawyer this planet had ever seen. 


	15. There you go, cover boy !

Harvey wakes up to his unbearable alarm the next morning. It takes him a minute to recollect his thoughts. Someone’s asleep in his arms.

Oh yeah, right.

He had dinner with Mike yesterday night. There had been a couple of paparazzi waiting for them at his building’s door. After dinner, they had amazing sex involving a lot of «  _I missed you_ », «  _God, it feels so good_ », «  _Please stay in New York, I need you_ » and a lot of tongue and kisses.

Here he is now. He needs to wake up and get ready for work, so he slowly untangles himself from Mike’s embrace and heads straight to the bathroom.

Mike is leaving New York today for the rest of the band’s tour. What are they now ? The press may call them « boyfriends » but are they really ? Was it just this time ? Is Mike coming back when the tour’s over ?

 

Harvey’s making coffee when a sleepy Mike enters the kitchen.

 _"Morning sunshine !"_ , Harvey singsongs.

Mike waves and settles on one of the bar stools while Harvey pours him a cup of coffee.

" _Drink this, then we can talk."_ , he says.

Mike rubs his eyes and takes a sip of the expensive Italian coffee. He finally fully opens his eyes and clears his throat.

 _"Talk about what ?"_ , he asks in a still raspy voice.

 _"This."_ , Harvey says, gesturing between the two of them. " _What are we now, Mike ?"_

The younger man takes another sip of his coffee, avoiding Harvey’s intense gaze.

 _"I know you’re leaving today. I wanna know what to expect this time."_ , Harvey says, knowing full well that Mike got what he means by that.

Mike shrugs.

“ _I have no idea, Harvey. I’m going to be away for at least 4 months._ ”, he replies, still not making eye contact.

“ _Look at me, Mike._ ”, Harvey says, getting a hold of Mike’s chin to lift his head up. “ _I think it’s pretty simple. Do you want to see me again ?_ ”

Mike’s eyes stare intensely into Harvey’s. He empties his cup.

“ _I’m listening, Mike._ ”, Harvey says, arms crossed over his chest. “ _And I have to leave to go to work. It’s not a trick question, just answer it. I’ll be good with whatever you say. I’ve been through much more 12 years ago._ ”

“ _Is that how it’s going to be, Harvey ? You constantly reminding me of what I did 12 years ago ? You always mentioning what you went through ?_ ”, Mike says, getting up from his chair.

Harvey giggles nervously and turns his back on Mike, pretending to clean something on the kitchen counter.

“ _I don’t know. I’ve spent the last 12 years wondering what I did or what you did, trying to forget you and move on with my life. I thought I was doing a good job at it then bam ! You barge into my life and now I don’t know anymore…”_ , he pauses, turning back to face Mike. “ _I don’t think you understand what I went through. We were good, very good together and then you basically disappeared from my world like you never existed and I had to live with not knowing where you lived, if you were doing good, if you still loved me. It took me over a year to not cry every time I thought about what happened._ ”, his jaw clenches. “ _A whole fucking year to start breathing again. You have absolutely no idea what you put me through, Mike._ ”

“ _So this is it. You will never forgive me. I guess that answers your question, doesn’t it ?_ ”, he says, leaving the room.

Harvey sighs angrily as he follows him.

“ _I don’t know if I can forgive you, Mike, but I have been trying and I still am._ ”, he says, watching Mike getting dressed.

“ _Well, keep trying and call me when you’re done._ ”, the younger man says, heading to the front door. “ _I’m sorry. I apologised and I could do it again, and again, and again but I don’t think you can forgive me, Harvey. And I don’t blame you, I guess. But that makes it impossible for us to be anything. I’m sorry._ ”, he says in a low voice, leaving the condo, closing the door behind him.

Harvey stares at the door for a few seconds and purses his lips.

 

 

He gets to Pearson Hardmann at 8, greeted by photographers.

“ _Harvey ! Over here !_ “ “ _Harvey, how’s Mike ?_ ” “ _Harvey !_ ”

He brushes them off, helped by Ray and finally makes his way to his office.

Donna enters with two cups of coffee and a magazine.

“ _There you go, cover boy._ ”, she says.

Harvey stares at the magazine.

There’s a rather blurry picture of him and Mike having dinner in Brooklyn. Their hands are touching and they’re smiling. “ _HOT ALERT ! Mike Ross & his lawyer lover. We have the pictures !”_ the title reads.

“ _What have I gotten myself into, Donna ?_ ”, he asks, almost rhetorically, flipping through the pages. Donna doesn’t say anything, she just smiles softly.

There are more pictures inside the magazine. Pictures of them leaving the restaurant, them running from the photographers and them arriving at Harvey’s. All from the same night.

Harvey can’t help but feel a pang of yearning and regret. He already misses Mike.

“ _Get this out of my desk._ ”, he says, holding the magazine back to Donna. “ _I need to get some work done. Could you call Berrigan for me and ask him if we can move our appointment to noon ?_ ”

“ _Consider it done, cover boy !_ ”

“ _Don’t call me that._ ”, he says sharply, opening his laptop.

 

 

The day goes by, Harvey manages to actually focus. Around 9, he feels like heading home so he calls Ray.

“ _Harvey, I was just about to call you. There are paparazzi waiting for you at the main entrance, I’ll meet you in the back in 5, alright ?_ ”

Harvey can’t help but laugh. In just 48 hours, his life had taken a complete turn and he’s gone from scary cool attorney at law to Mike’s hot new love interest. He would have never imagined being chased by paparazzi. He collects his jacket and briefcase and leaves discreetly through the backdoor.

“ _You know they’re gonna be at your place when we get there, right ?_ ”, Ray asks.

“ _Yeah. They’ll get tired of me eventually. Tired of the suit and the poker face. Just give it a day or two._ ”, Harvey said, buckling up.

Ray smiles.

“ _I don’t think they will Harvey. You’ve got a nice cover story going on with Mike. Plus you’re ridiculously photogenic_.”, he says.

“ _Nothing’s going on with Mike, Ray._ ”, Harvey replies, pinching the bridge of his nose. And Ray doesn’t add anything. He knows when his boss wants and doesn’t want to talk.

 

 

Thirty minutes later, Ray’s pulling up in front of Harvey’s place. Harvey takes a deep breath and steps out of the town car, hiding his face behind his briefcase.

“ _Harvey, are you going to visit Mike on tour ?_ ”, “ _Harvey, will you quit your job ?_ ” “ _Harvey, over here !_ ”

Once in the safety of his condo, Harvey can finally relax. He changes into a pair of sweatpants and a worn out t-shirt and pours himself a glass of red wine. His phone blips.

“ _I think we can be text pals even if you still resent me. Unless you don’t want to. Do you miss me ?_ ”

Harvey grins.

“ _You know you are._ ”

Harvey’s heart rate quickens and he replies a simple “ _Yes._ ”.

He sleeps well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 000 words sharp. How cool is that ?


	16. A friendly gesture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than 3000 hits ! Wow, thank you ! I'm litteraly blushing !

Mike went back on tour two months ago.

Harvey and him have found a routine. They call every night or every morning depending on which time zone Mike's in and they text when they can. They don't skype or facetime because Harvey says it's crap that he'd rather hear Mike's voice or read his words than see a face he can't kiss or touch. The paparazzi have left him alone but he still visits the band's twitter account and buys his weekly dose of gossip magazines. Well, technically Donna buys them for him. He enjoys seeing the pictures and reading the interviews. There was just this one interview he felt really bad about. It was Neal talking about the band's projects and his love life. He told the interviewer that Mike and him had broken up long before he started dating Harvey. That was the "version" they all had agreed on telling. It had made Harvey feel bad for Neal and bad about himself for having been the "lover".

But all in all, Harvey's great. He hasn't been this happy for a long time. He just wishes he could see Mike.

He comes to work late on a rainy monday (he had ran out of hair gel and there was just no way he'd come to work without doing his hair so he had to go buy some) to find Donna's not at her desk. She must be somewhere in the office, though, cause there's a coffee and magazines on his desk. When he opens the first one on the pile, he thinks he knows why Donna chose to not be there when he arrived.

"Mike & Neal, IT'S NOT OVER !" is printed in capital letters above a blurry picture (aren't they supposed to have state of the art cameras and lenses ?) of Mike and Neal laughing and hugging. Neal looks stupidly attractive in a tailored suit and Mike's wearing jeans with a black jacket and a pair chucks. According to the article, the picture was taken a couple of days ago on a parking lot after a charity event hosted by Hollywood stars for the LGBT community where Neal received a price for "outstanding achievement". The article says Mike wasn't invited but flew all the way from Mexico to be with Neal.

Harvey's heart litteraly stops beating. Then starts pounding in his chest.

Maybe it's nothing. Maybe Mike came to show his support. Maybe the whole band was there as well. He knows how these magazines fabricate stories. But that doesn't explain why Mike did not tell him about his trip and called him 2 days ago telling him about their Mexico City show.

He tries to calm down but his heart won't slow down and his hands won't stop shaking. He grabs his cell and starts typing a text :

 _"Did you have fun in LA ?_ ", he sends.

When he doesn't get an immediate reply, he shuts up his phone angrily and drinks his coffee in just one big gulp. Donna enters her office, a worried look on her face. When she sees the look on Harvey's, she knows he's read the article.

" _You know this doesn't mean anything, right ? I mean... They're just hugging and you know these magazines would print anything just to sell copies._ ", she says, trying to sound reassuring.

Harvey doesn't say anything, he just stares at her, nostrils flaired and lips curled. His eyes are darker than they usually are and Donna knows it's her cure to leave the office.

Harvey throws the magazine away and turns on his phone, trying to convince himself that Mike will come with a perfectly fitting explaination. Still no text. He turns it off again.

Harvey logs on his computer and launches Safari to check the band's twitter account. Maybe he'll find what he's looking for there. There are a couple of tweets from their Mexico City performance, a couple of retweets of fans' tweets. There is one particular retweet from 2 days ago that captures his attention.

> This is Neal @officialnealcaffrey - 2 days ago
> 
> Truly honored. I feel blessed and happy. Life is good.

There is a picture attached. It shows Neal holding his golden prize and grinning. He's wearing the same suit as in the picture in the magazine. " _Yeah, life is good._ ", Harvey mumbles, closing the browser window.

 

A couple of hours later, Harvey has managed to get to work and set the whole thing aside. Donna calls through the intercom :

" _Harvey, apparently your phone is off. I've got Mike on the line for you. Should I put him through ?_ ", she asks.

Harvey nods and picks up the receiver :

" _Harvey Specter._ ", he says, coldly.

" _Hey Harvey ! I've been trying to reach you but it sends me directly to voicemail._ ", Mike says.

Harvey can hear people talking in the background and a voice repeating orders through a speaker. Mike must be at the airport.

" _Yeah, I turned my phone off. Did you want something ?_ "

" _Oh..._ ", is the only thing Mike says.

" _Did you get my text ?_ ", Harvey asks, trying to sound as neutral as he can.

 _"Yeah, that's why I'm calling you. What's going on ? I'm not in LA... But you sound angry so there's obviously something bothering you._ ", Mike says cautiously.

" _You were in LA, right ? Two days ago._ "

There's a long silence. Harvey knows Mike knows he knows. He's probably trying to understand how he knows.

" _I, uh, yes I was in LA. Neal was giving this speech at the LGBT charity thing and I went with him._ "

" _Why didn't you tell me ?_ ", Harvey asked, his jaw clenched.

" _I didn't want to upset you. I knew you'd imagine things,_ -"

Harvey cuts him.

" _So you thought 'Let Harvey learn about it in the papers !', is that what you thought ? How the hell reading about it in Us Magazine is going to stop me from imagining things ?_ ", he shouts.

" _I did it as a friend, Harvey. I owed him that much after what I put him through, don't you think ?_ "

Harvey bursts out into a fit of nervous laughter.

" _Oh you_ owed _him ? You seem to owe a lot of people for putting them through hell !_ ", he says, still laughing. He cannot believe his ears.

" _Come on, Harvey. I have a plane to catch. You need to trust me. Don't make a big deal out of a friendly gesture. Please._ ", Mike says, pleading.

" _If you want me to trust you, you'll have to make sure I can trust you. And that starts with telling me things, not keeping them from me because you think I might freak out. Now, as a_ friendly gesture _, I'm going to hang up before I say something I will regret._ "

He ends the call.

 

Later that day, Harvey's going through the contacts in his phone. He calls Jennifer. They have dinner in a little french restaurant. He takes her home and they have boring sex. 


	17. Well, i could go with wuss if you'd prefer.

_2 days earlier_

Mike wakes up in a sunny hotel room. He probably forgot to close the curtains when he came back from the charity event last night. Oh, and he most definitely didn’t come back alone. Neal’s asleep, on his stomach, on the other side of the bed. The duvet covers his legs and bottom and his head is buried in a pillow. His hair is mussed and he is holding Mike’s hand.

“ _Shit._ ”, Mike mutters, letting go of Neal’s hand.

They had way too much to drink last night and ended up kissing in the hotel lobby. Mike can remember Neal’s breath on his face, it smelled like champagne and expensive scotch. He can remember kissing Neal in the elevator and guiding him to his room. He can remember Neal ordering more champagne from room service and them getting undressed quickly after it was delivered. He can remember the familiar touch of Neal’s hands on this back and ass. The way he worked Neal open and how Neal felt pliant under him when he moved into him with one long stroke. The way they both came together whispering in each other’s ear. What he can’t remember though, probably because it didn’t happen, is telling Neal that he couldn’t sleep with him, that it wouldn’t be right. Because it didn’t feel not right.

Mike sits up in the bed and tries to focus. Harvey can not know about it. It was a “one last time” thing and it can’t happen again.

“ _Oh my God…_ ”, he says, getting up to empty his full bladder.

“ _Mike ?_ ”, he hears Neal calling from the bedroom. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and splashes cold water on his face.

When he comes back in the room, Neal’s sitting on the edge of the bed, a hand visibly trying to give his hair a kind of style.

“ _Sleep well ?_ ", he asks.

They’re both naked and Mike shivers. He doesn’t feel weird or self-conscious. He should.

 _“Look, Neal…_ ”, he starts.

“ _Mike, don’t worry, I know. Nothing happened. I get it. I’m not going to say I regret it because it would be a lie but I get it._ ”, Neal replies with a soft smile.

Mike bites his bottom lip nervously. How can he be so understanding ? He realises why he loves Neal so much, why he couldn’t resist him last night. What has he gotten himself into ?

“ _I’m sorry Neal. I have no idea what’s going on in my head… I shouldn’t have crossed that line. I came here to support you as a friend and because we had prepared this speech together.... I... I'm with Harvey now. Well, I was. I don't even know if I can look him in the eyes now..._ ", Mike stutters. " _Shit ! I screwed up so bad..._ "

Neal gets up and takes his former lover in his arms.

" _Don't worry. It'll be our little secret. No one has to know. You came here to show your support, you got a room in your name, i got one in mine, it's all good._ "

Neal puts on his wrinkled shirt and pants, grabs his jacket and tie and presses a soft kiss to Mike's forehead.

" _Our plane isn't due until 5 this afternoon, you could probably use some more sleep._ ", he says and leaves the room.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Mike looks at his phone, heart pounding in his chest, cheeks flushed. Harvey found out.

Of course he did. Fucking paparrazi ! He's done his best to pretend nothing happen but he knows he's broken Harvey's trust by not telling him he went to LA with Neal. And he knows how Harvey's trust is never to be taken for granted. It took him quite a while to earn it when they first met and he completely lost it when he left Harvey 12 years ago. Somehow it seemed that he was willing to trust Mike again but instead of feeling grateful, Mike broke it again. The thought of losing Harvey for good (because he knows it will be for good if Harvey ever learns the thruth) makes something twitch in his stomach and he feels tears pooling in his eyes.

" _I'm sorry Harvey, for not telling you. Won't happen again. I need you to trust me. Love you._ " He sends to Harvey.

He never gets a reply and Harvey doesn't call for a week.

 

\---------------------------------

 

After he has gotten rid of Jennifer, Harvey thinks he should feel better. But he doesn't. He feels horrible. He didn't answer Mike's text, instead, he cheated on him without any hesitation thinking they would be even. But now he's alone in his condo, spent and tired, he feels sad. What if Mike really didn't do anything wrong with Neal ? The thought suddenly overwhelms him and he feels like throwing up. He calls Donna.

" _You slept with Jennifer._ ", she says when she answers the call.

" _How did you know ?_ ", Harvey asks, bewildered.

" _Intercom ?_ ", she replies, hesitantly. Truth is she would have known what he'd done with or without listening to his private conversations. " _What the hell, Harvey ?_ "

" _I feel so bad, Donna..._ ", he says in a low sad voice.

" _Of course you do. What were you thinking ? Are you going to tell Mike ?_ "

" _What ? No ! Why would i do that ?_ "

" _Hum, let me think... Because you feel horrible and you think you're even now ?_ ", she deadpans.

Harvey doesn't say anything.

" _Harvey._ ", Donna says in a serious tone she uses when Harvey screws up. " _We both know you still resent him for what he did 12 years ago. You want to forgive him but you don't know if you can. And you know that what you just did with Jennifer is nothing but revenge. And this most certainly is not a solid foundation for a relationship. You need to figure out if you can forgive him. If you can't then you need to let go._ "

Harvey runs a hand across his tired face and sights heavily.

" _How can i forgive him, Donna ? Would you forgive me if i had done that to you ?_ ", he asks.

" _Probably not. I don't know. But i know he broke your heart. He broke you, period. What you are now, or at least what you want people to think you are, is the consequence of what he put you through. I know you love him and that you haven't loved anyone like you love him ever since._ ", she says like it's some kind of clues Harvey should pick up.

" _I have spent 12 years thinking of how i would feel if i ever saw him again. I have dreamt of punching him, of hurting him like he hurt me. Then suddenly we're in the same room again and it's like i can't keep my guard up, like he breaks through my walls and crawls back under my skin, like it's where he belongs, where he's always been._ ", he pauses, pouring himself a glass of scotch. " _I am happy, Donna. I feel whole again. But it doesn't mean i forgive him. I want to..._ "

He starts crying.

" _Harvey Specter !_ ", Donna snaps. " _Stop crying like a little girl and get your shit together !_ "

Harvey chuckles And sniffs. 

" _Come on, Mom ! Am i not allowed a moment of weakness without you calling me a little girl ?_ ", he asks, trying his best to sound like a pleading kid while regaining his composure.

" _Well, I could go with wuss if you'd prefer ! Your choice._ "

" _Little girl is fine, then._ ", he smiles.

There is a long pause on the line and Donna thinks he's fallen asleep when he asks :

" _Donna. What have I done ?_ ", he sighs.

" _Go to bed, Harvey. Sleep on it. You'll figure out tomorrow. Right now you need to sleep._ ", she says.

 


	18. Move over, Sleeping Beauty

There isn’t much Harvey doesn’t know how to do. You could count mawning and sewing as things he can’t do but that would be about it. So when he spends the entire week following Mike’s apology text and his night with Jennifer trying to ignore the panging feeling in his stomach, he knows he can add indifference-towards-the-man-he-loves in his list of things he doesn’t know how to do.

Every 5 seconds he’s tempted to reply, to call, to even buy a plane ticket to Buenos Aires where the band is currently staying. But, with the help of Donna, to whom he hands his cellphone every morning, he doesn’t do any of the above.

The week passes, Harvey wins a huge case and he’s happy, of course, cause it was against Tanner and nothing beats the feeling of winning against him, but he doesn’t really feel like celebrating. He just wants to go home and finally relax and do nothing.

 

When Ray pulls up in front of his building, his heartbeat speeds up. There are two guys smoking and checking their big cameras and he knows what that means : Mike is back in New-York.

He thanks Ray, takes a deep breath and open the car door. He breaks into a run and manages to take the two distracted photographers by surprise, they don’t have time to snap any picture before he disapears in one of the regular elevators.

When he steps out of it, still trying to catch his breath after the sudden run he had to take a minute ago, he sees Mike. He’s sitting cross-legged, head tilted backward against the wall, eyes closed. There’s a huge suitcase next to his sleeping body.

Harvey smiles fondly and silently turns the key in the lock. He enters his condo, taking the suitcase with him. He leaves the door open and goes to his room to change into home pants and a tshirt.

When he comes back to the leaving room, the front door is closed and Mike is face down lying on the couch, softly snoring.

 

Two hours later, Harvey has read 4 chapters of a book, cooked a small dinner he keeps in the oven so he can reheat it when the snoring rockstar wakes up and he’s tired of waiting so he sits down on the very end of the couch and begins untying Mike’s shoes. The younger man shifts a little bit but doesn’t wake up. So Harvey puts Mike’s feet on his lap and starts massaging them. He knows Mike’s very ticklish. It doesn’t take more than two brushes of Harvey's fingers on the sole of his feet for Mike to jump on the couch with a small scream.

«  _Harvey !_ », he tries to shout.

Harvey chuckles and lets go of his feet.

«  _Evening, Princess._ », he says, leaning forward and pressing a soft hesitant kiss on Mike’s lips.

«  _What time is it ?_ »

«  _Past 10. Dinner’s ready if you’re hungry._ », Harvey says, standing up.

Mike sits up and stretches out with a painful sigh.

«  _God, i could sleep for days, i’m so tired… But i’m also starving. What’s for dinner ?_ », he asks, standing up to stretch out his legs.

«  _Moussaka. Shower first, change, and then you’ll eat. Then you can go to bed and sleep for days._ », Harvey says with a smile.

Mike nods and grabs his suitcase and less than a minute later, Harvey hears the water in the bathroom being turned on.

When Mike doesn’t come back, cleaned and dressed, Harvey goes to the bedroom.

The light is still on.

«  _Mike ?_  », he says, cautiously stepping into the room.

The younger man is dressed in a pair of Harvey's sweatpants, sprawled across the bed, hair still damp.

«  _Move over, Sleeping Beauty, you’re on my side of the bed._ », Harvey whispers in his ear.

Mike mumbles something and crawls under the silk sheets to the other side of the giant bed.

Harvey presses a kiss on his shoulder and turns off the lights.

 

 

The next morning (or is it ?), Mike wakes up in pain. Every muscle in his body aches, the result of jet lag, lack of sleep and probably also lack of food. He winces, producing a small high pictched sound.

«  _Mike, go back to sleep. It’s only 7 am and it’s Saturday._ », he hears coming from the other pillow. «  _Painkillers are in the second drawer on the left under the sink. You’re welcome._ »

Mike leaves the bed to get the pills. He takes them with a big gulp of tap water, leaning on the door frame.

He watches Harvey sleeping and can’t help but feel guilty.

When the first leg of their tour ended a day ago, all he could think of was to be with Harvey. They hadn’t talked for a week and had left on bad terms the last time they did.

But now he’s here, he doesn’t know what to think. Cause they will have to talk about LA eventually. And Mike will have to lie again. Unless he wants a punch in the face and a one-way ticket back to Boston.

«  _I said go back to sleep, Mike._ »

«  _I’m not tired. You go back to sleep. I’m gonna go for a run._ », Mike says, looking for his sneakers in his suitcase.

Harvey opens his eyes and lifts his head up.

«  _A run ? You do realise you’re in New-York and there are paparazzi waiting for you downstairs, right ?_  », he asks, clearing his throat.

Mike sighs. He always forgets. And being with Harvey doesn’t help because he doesn’t feel like a celebrity at all around him. He feels like a broke twenty-something, he feels normal. And it’s the best feeling.

He puts his sneakers back in the suitcase and sits on the floor.

Harvey raises an eyebrow and gestures towards the bed.

«  _Come on now._ », he says, burrying his face in the pillow.

Later that morning, they both wake up to someone insistently knocking, or rather pounding, on the front door.

“ _Harvey, can you go get it ? It’s driving me crazy !_ ”, Mike says, not even bothering to open his eyes.

Harvey groans and finally leaves the bed. He puts on a pair of boxer briefs and heads towards the door, rather pissed.

When he opens the door, his anger turns into surprise :

“ _Paul, what the hell ?!_ ”, he shouts, pulling his twin brother in a warm embrace.

“ _Did I wake you up_ ”, Paul asks teasingly. “ _I hope you’ve made coffee, I really need one !_ ”

He discards his coat on a hanger and enters the living room. He freezes.

“ _You’re not alone, are you ?_ ”, he asks, pointing at the worn out Chucks next to the couch.

“ _Nope. But you’ll never guess who it is._ ”, Harvey replies, smirking. He puts his index finger on his lips and gestures for Paul to follow him to the bedroom.

When the two brothers approach the slightly open door, Paul takes a look and turns his head to face Harvey, totally dumbfounded.

“ _Is that… ?_ ”, he only manages. Mike and him never actually met but he’s seen _a lot_ of pictures.

Harvey nods and grins.

“ _Harvey, who is it ?_ ”, Mike calls from the bed.

Paul enters the room, followed by Harvey.

“ _Ok, either I’m still dreaming and there are two Harveys or you’re… You’re Paul !_ ”, Mike says, jumping from the bed to shake his hand.

Paul chuckles.

“ _Handshake ? Seriously ?_ ”, he says, pulling Mike into a hug. “ _It’s so nice to finally meet you Mike ! But, wait a minute…_ ”

He looks at Harvey, then at Mike, quizzingly. Then he starts humming a song Harvey can’t recognize. Mike smiles and nods.

“ _What’s going on ?_ ”, Harvey asks.

“ _That’s what I thought when I saw your video for We’re so good ! Oh my god ! I told my wife I felt like I had seen you before ! Wow, dude !_ ”, Paul shouts.

Harvey rolls his eyes. He knew Mike and his twin brother would get on well. He’d talked about Mike a lot but never had the time to introduce them.

“ _So, how long are you staying ?_ ”, he asks.

“ _Well, I’ve been sent to NYC for a special operation your SWAT team apparently can’t do without me._ ”, he says, smugly. Smugness runs in the family, it seems. “ _I’m here for a week._ ”

“ _And you couldn’t call ?_ ”, Harvey asks, getting 3 cups from a cupboard.

“ _Nope. Where’s the fun in calling first ?_ ”

Mike laughs and higfives him.

“ _If any of you two wants a coffee from my machine, in my condo, this let’s-piss-Harvey contest that you’re having better stop right now._ ”, Harvey snaps.

It’s going to be a long week, he thinks.


	19. You're a jerk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankx a lot for reading and giving kudos !

They had one big fight at Harvard. Which resulted in them ignoring each other for days.

They were in their second year and had been dating for a little over a year. They weren’t Mike and Harvey anymore, to their dorm and classmates they were one person, Marvey. When one student needed help with homework or studies, people would say “ _Ask Marvey_ ”. Even the professors would sometimes use the moniker. That’s how close they were.

So when they had form teams for mock trial and Mike and Harvey weren’t on the same team, everybody was stunned. Still, the two men saw this as a great opportunity to compete against each other for once.

Harvey was named captain of the H Team. He had said it stood for Harvard, but it was obvious to everybody that it rather stood for Harvey. His teammates weren’t the brightest students of the class but he didn’t mind. He could win it on his own if he had to.

Mike was in the Dark Blue Team, dark blue being the color of truth and moderation according to him. His teammates were 4 guys and a girl, Jenny, which he had once had lunch with. She was nice and pretty.

The teams were supposed to spend the afternoon working in the library.

Harvey assigned each of his teammate with a specific research task while he worked on finding students willing to play witnesses. Harvey wasn’t aware of the powers of his charms at that time. He knew he wasn’t bad looking in any way, but he wasn’t the cocky self-important bastard he would become years later. He didn’t notice how every girl would blush when he addressed them or how every guy would feel threatened by his looks and confidence. Even if his cockiness would later win over every single person who would set his or her eyes on him, his then total obliviousness to his charms was very cute and sexy.

So when Ted, a third year hunk, approached him during lunch that day, Harvey did not figure out his intentions. But Mike, who was sitting right next to him, did.

“ _Hey, I’ve heard you’re looking for witnesses for your mock trial ?_ ”, he said.

“ _Yeah, I need a convincing CEO._ ”, Harvey smiled. “ _You interested ?_ ”

Ted laughed and nodded.

“ _Yeah ! I won last year’s mock trial. I’m your man !_ ”

“ _You mean your team won, right ?_ ”, Harvey smirked, taking of bite of his sandwich.

“ _No, that’s not what I mean, Harvey._ I _won._ ”, Ted said, smirking back. “ _I’m Ted by the way._ ”

“ _Nice to meet you, Ted._ ”, Harvey said, offering his hand. “ _I see you already know my name ?_ ”, he asked, not remembering having told him.

“ _I like to keep track of people I find interesting._ ”, Ted said, gazing intensely at Harvey. “ _I’ll be your CEO then. Here’s my number. Call me._ ”

Harvey took the offered business card and nodded, probably blushing.

When Ted was out of earshot, Mike poked Harvey in the ribs.

“ _You’re not going to call this arrogant bastard, are you ?_ ”, he asked.

Harvey turned his head to face him.

“ _Of course I am, I need a convincing CEO and don’t tell me he doesn’t look the part._ ”, Harvey answered, unphased.

Mike laughed nervously.

“ _Of course he looks the part. Arrogant and cocky. Though I think he’s not interested in playing the witness so much as spending time with you._ ”

“ _Don’t be stupid. He just wants to show off during trial. He’s not interested in me._ ”, Harvey brushed him off.

“ _You’re so oblivious, Harvey, it’s really cute._ ”, Mike said, kissing him.

Harvey rolled his eyes and kissed him back.

 

Later that day, Harvey and Mike were playing guitar on the steps outside their dorm. They had decided they would not discuss the mock case so playing music seemed like the right thing to do to set their mind off the upcoming event.

A couple of their dorm mates were with them, singing along to Aeroplane by Red Hot Chilli Peppers (Harvey’s favourite) when Ted showed up, totally smug, hands in his pocket, smirking.

“ _Well, this little gathering is really cute and everything but I can’t help but notice that you didn’t call me, Harvey._ ”

Mike stood up and laughed.

“ _Mock trial’s in three days, don’t worry, he’ll email you with the details. Now, if you don’t mind, we’d like to resume our_ littlegathering _._ ”, he said, emphasising the last words.

“ _You know it’s funny cause I remember talking to Harvey, not you. And who are you anyway ?_ ”

Mike opened his mouth to formulate a witty reply but Harvey spoke first :

“ _Thanks for coming Ted but yeah, trial’s in three days and we haven’t gotten to your part yet._ ”, he said.

“ _Ok, then. I expect you to call me tomorrow. I don’t check my emails very often so it’s better to call_.”, he winked (yeah _winked_ ) at Harvey. “ _Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy your evening._ ”, he said, leaving.

Mike laughed nervously.

“ _Seriously, who is this guy ?_ ”, he said standing up to his feet and and entering the building.

“ _Wait, Mike !_ ”, Harvey shouted, following him through the stairs. “ _Are we done playing ?_ ”

“ _Well, I am. The bastard ruined it. I’m going to my room._ ”, Mike replied, quickening his pace.

“ _What’s wrong, Mike ?_ ”, Harvey asked as he followed him into his room.

“ _Hum, let me think, Harvey._ ”, he said, visibly annoyed. “ _First, you flirt with a guy right under my very nose at lunch. Then when the fucker comes back to see you tonight and asks you who I am, you don’t even bother telling him I’m your boyfriend ! That’s what’s wrong !_ ”, he shouted.

“ _What ? I didn’t flirt with him ! What are you talking about ?_ ”, Harvey asked, completely disarmed by Mike’s sudden fist of rage.

He shut Mike’s door so that the whole dorm wouldn’t hear them though he knew they would anyway.

“ _Oh don’t play dumb, Harvey. And I’m not dumb either. I have eyes you know. I could totally see what was going on !_ ”, Mike snapped. “ _Are you bored with me ? Is that it ?_ ”

Harvey could not believe his ears.

“ _Where the hell is this coming from ?_ ”, he asked. He was starting to get pissed. “ _I don’t even know the guy, that’s why I didn’t tell him about you, he doesn’t need to know !_ ”

“ _Of course he doesn’t. Cause that would ruin your chances of ever fucking him, right ? Though he doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would mind._ ”, Mike replied.

Harvey snorted.

“ _You don’t mean a word you’re saying Mike. Tell me you don’t !_ ”, he shouted in complete disbelief.

“ _Oh I do, Harvey. Now I’d like you to leave. Go call Ted or whoever you wanna call but leave me alone._ ”

Harvey narrowed his eyes and opened the door.

“ _You’re a jerk._ ”, he said softly and he left.

 

The following days, Marvey was back to Mike and Harvey. They did not sit next to each other during class, did not go to lunch together and their part of the dorm got awfully quite all of a sudden. No more guitar playing, card games or debates in the small but comfortable living room.

Mike walked around with a permanent frown, only talked to his Dark Blue teammates and only about the upcoming trial. He spent every minute of his free time locked in his room.

Harvey had called Ted the day after his fall out with Mike, they had had lunch and Harvey had told him what he expected of him during the trial. Mike was right, Ted seemed interested in him. But Harvey wasn’t, so he kept their “meeting” focused and on-topic, which had seemed to convey the implied message because Ted did not hit on him again.

 

Harvey’s H Team won the mock trial and the two teams went out for drinks after the judge’s ruling. Everybody but Mike. Harvey was glad they had won because they had worked hard and it felt good to win. But tonight, celebrating his victory without Mike felt weird and, though he did his best to hide it, he felt sad and lonely. He missed Mike so much.

When they all came back from the bar, Harvey decided Mike and him needed to talk about what happened 3 days earlier. He couldn’t leave things as they were. Even if it meant breaking up, they needed to have a discussion.

He knocked on Mike’s door.

“ _Go to hell_.”, he heard Mike say.

“ _I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s really going on, Mike._ ”, he said, entering the small room and closing the door behind him.

“ _Harvey. Here to rub you victory in my face ?_ ”, he asked with a nervous smile.

Harvey rolled his eyes. Mike was fucking stubborn.

“ _Not here to talk about the mock trial. I want to talk about the other day. What you accused me of. We need to talk about what got you to freak out like that_.”, he said, sitting on the bed.

Mike lifted his eyes from the book he was reading and sighed. Harvey and his gorgeous and sad big brown eyes were staring at him, looking for any clue that Mike still loved him a little bit and it made Mike’s heart melt. He could not resist Harvey. That’s why he had tried to avoid him at all cost since their argument. He took a deep breath and stood up to face the window.

“ _I’m sorry, Harvey._ ”, he said.

Harvey’s heart jumped in his chest. Mike was sorry. There was hope !

“ _For what ?_ ”, he asked, standing up and stepping closer to Mike. He needed to know exactly what Mike was sorry for, what he had really meant and what he had said out of rage.

Mike turned around and took Harvey’s hand.

“ _I’m sorry for accusing you of flirting with that smug bastard. I know you didn’t. But he did hit on you and it drove me crazy cause you didn’t even seem to notice it. I’m sorry for yelling at you and for ignoring you after that…_ ”, he said.

Harvey smiled.

“ _Apology accepted. Please, don’t freak out like that again. You trust me, right ?_ ”

“ _I do, Harvey. It’s everybody else I don’t trust. You’re the most handsome and smart and nice man I know and I see how people look at you._ ”, Mike said blushing. “ _I’m not usually the jealous type but I’m so scared of losing you, Harvey. I would not survive if I were to lose you. I…_ ”

Harvey cut him with a kiss.

“ _You’re not going to lose me Mike. I love you. I would never leave you._ ”, he said, brushing Mike’s cheeks with his knuckles. “ _And you ?_ ”

“ _I’ll never leave you either. I love you so much Harvey._ ”


	20. I make you sad, that’s what i do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Here's chapter 20. Took me a while to get it done.  
> There's porn at the end of the chapter, my very first attempt at writing that kind of stuff.  
> I grinned and blushed when typing this little dirty part (the most embarassing part being that i'm actually at work ! :D).  
> I hope you like it. Please let me know.   
> Thanx for reading. Means a lot to me !

Harvey wakes up with a weird feeling in his stomach. He glances over his shoulder and sees Mike. He's fast asleep, drooling on the pillow. His stomach clenches when the dream he had comes back to him. Mike telling him he'll never leave him over and over. And then the loss, the overwhelming feeling that someone took half of you, the sudden emptiness, the moment when it all stops and you think it will never start again even if deep down you know it will, eventually.

He leaves the bed and the room.

He hears music coming from the guestroom. It's not really loud.

Paul is watching a video on Harvey's computer.

" _Oh sorry, shit, did I wake you up ?_ ", he asks, pausing the video.

Harvey shakes his head as he settles on the bed.

" _I was watching your boyfriend's videos. I still can't believe Mike is... Mike ! That he's back ! They're huge you know ?_ ", he says, holding a cup to his mouth.

Harvey smiles.

" _I know. And I can't believe you haven't heard about it. I was on the cover of trash magazines a month ago._ ", he says, getting up. He types on the computer and points to the screen. " _Isabelle doesn't read trash blogs ?_ "

Paul's eyes widen as he reads the posts on Perez Hilton.

" _Oh my God, Harvey, you're a celebrity !_ ", he chuckles. " _Wait, these articles basically outed you ! Are you ok with that ?_ "

Harvey shrugs. 

" _I'm more annoyed by the fact that perfect strangers know my name and address than by my firm knowing that I'm bisexual._ ", he yawns as he streches out. " _Did you make coffee ?_ "

" _Yup._ "

 

An hour later, the twins are having breakfast in the kitchen when Mike appears. 

" _Hey._ ", he says slippily, pressing a quick kiss on Harvey's lips. 

Well, he thinks they’re Harvey's. 

" _Hey yourself !_ ", Paul burts out laughing. 

Harvey raises an eyebrow as Mike realises what he's done.

" _Ok._ ", he says, he cheeks burning. " _This is really embarassing. Can we just replay that scene and pretend nothing happened ?_ "

" _Not a chance._ ", Harvey deadpans, placing his hands on Mike's hips and kissing him.

" _Not fair. I just woke up and you two look exactly the same._ ", Mike whines, knowing he'll never hear the end of it.

Harvey smirks and pour him a cup of coffee.

" _Here you go._ "

" _Maybe Harvey could wear a necklace with his name on it so you know it's him, what do you think ?_ ", Paul asks playfully.

" _Hey ! Why me ? You wear the damn necklace !_ ", Harvey says, grinning.

Mike rolls his eyes.

" _You two done playing ?_ "

" _Just because you're the new Justin Bieber doesn't give you the right to kiss my brother. So no, we're not done playing. In fact, it's just getting started._ ", Harvey says, spanking Mike.

" _Really ? Justin Bieber ?_ ", Mike rolled his eyes.

" _So, Mike. When are you going back on tour ?_ ", Paul asks.

" _In two weeks. We're starting the european leg of our tour. Our first stop is Paris !_ "

" _This must be really nice to be able to travel and see all these beautiful places._ "

" _It is. Though we don't always have time to properly visit. I miss my home sometimes. I feel like I never get to spend time there..._ "

" _I know the feeling._ ", Paul says as he stands up. " _Nice talking to you guys but I gotta go save lives, meeting is in 30. Can i use your shower, it's much nicer than the one in the guestroom ?_ ", he asks his brother.

" _Nope. As you pointed out, there's a bathroom in the guestroom and you're a guest, so..._ ", Harvey replies with a smile.

" _You're a selfish bastard, Harv' !_ ", Paul shouts from the guestroom.

 

2 hours later, both Mike and Harvey are watching TV. Mike's half asleep, hugging a pillow, his feet crossed on the coffee table while Harvey's sitting straight and regularly glancing at his lover, visibly preoccupied.

" _Mike._ ", he starts his voice law and somewhat shaky. " _I need to talk to you about something._ "

The seriousness of Harvey's tone seems to startle the younger man who suddenly looks wide awake. 

" _Hum, sure, what's up ?_ "

" _First of all I'm really sorry I didn't believe you when you told me nothing happened between Neal and you in LA._ ", Harvey says, taking Mike's hands in his.

Mike freezes. Oh God, no.

" _Also, I need to tell you something_.", Harvey continues and pauses, intensely gazing into the younger man's big blue eyes. He takes a deep breath.

" _That day, when I saw the pictures and the article and after you called me... I was really mad. I, uh, I was hurting and I... I called a waitress I had a fling with once. We had dinner here and then we slept together._ ", he bites his lip, waiting for Mike's reaction.

There is none. Mike doesn't know what to say. Should he confess too ? 

" _I'm really sorry. I know I have no excuse. I'd understand if you would leave me. I just... I'm so happy to have you back in my life, I never expected to see you again let alone be with you again, it feels like a dream, Mike. But it also keeps on bringing back memories and all the emotions that go with them. I feel overwhelmed. With joy mostly but also fear. Fear that you'd leave again, fear that... I'm sorry Mike but when I thought you cheated on me with Neal, I lost it. I..._ ", he breathes. 

He squeezes Mike's hands gently.

Mike sighs heavily and closes his eyes for a while. He removes his hands from Harvey's hold and brushes them through his hair.

" _Harvey._ ", he says softly. " _I did sleep with Neal in LA._ "

It's not exactly the way he wanted to tell Harvey but he feels trapped. He feels like he can't lie. He doesn't want to. Not after Harvey's heartfelt confession.

Harvey gapes, trying to register what he just heard.

" _Ok, I need some fresh air._ ", he says, trying to stay calm.

He goes to the balcony and closes the door behind him. 

So Mike had sex with Neal. Ok. Kind of. Cause if Harvey's being honest, he and Mike got back together cheating on Neal. But Mike lied to him when Harvey asked him. Not ok. 

He hears the sliding door open.

" _Harvey, say something. Please._ ", Mike says stepping closer to him.

Harvey can feel Mike's shaky breath on the back of his neck. Anger, disappointment, sadness, anger again... Feelings are circling his brain and he can't seem to settle on one.

" _Mike, please go._ ", he finally says, coldly. 

" _Harvey, wait, no ! We need to talk about it. Please, Harvey !_ ", Mike pleads, grabing Harvey's shoulder.

The older man turns around to face him, jaw clenched and eyes dark.

" _You lied to me Mike. I texted you and basically asked for your confession and you lied to me ? You insisted that you went there as a friend and that I should trust you ! Do you honestly think there is anything left to talk about here ?_ ", Harvey shouts, getting back inside the condo. He grabs Mike's clothes and stuffs them back into the suitcase.

" _Wait Harvey ! Come on !_ ", Mike pleads again, putting his clothes back out of the suitcase. " _Harvey, listen to me ! I ended it. I mean, the morning after it happened I talked to Neal, told him it wouldn't happen again, that it was like a... I don't know, like a kind of goodbye. And we were drunk ! That's why I chose not to tell you, it didn't mean anything. I didn't want to ruin what we are trying to rebuild together. Please Harvey, you've gotta understand !_ "

Harvey stops and stares at Mike. He throws the clothes he's holding on the ground and leaves the room kicking the door.

" _Harvey._ "

Mike follows him into the living room. 

" _You just admitted to cheating on me too, you know._ ", Mike says dryly.

Harvey raises an eyebrow and smirks dangerously.

" _That's your defense ? It's not so bad that you fucked your hot ex boyfriend and lied about it because I did it too ?_ ", he laughs bitterly. " _Well, I imagine you're glad I confessed then !_ "

Harvey retrieves a bottle of water from the fridge and drinks it in one big gulp, his back to Mike, looking at the city streching behind the huge windows.

" _How can I trust you now, Mike ? And how can we even hope to make it work when I don't trust you and you spend most of your time travelling the world ?_ ", he asks, almost to himself, still not looking at Mike.

The younger man bites his lower lip.

Harvey's right. Trust is the basis of any relationship. A long distance relationship is doomed if trust cannot be garanteed.

" _You know what, Harvey ? I trusted you. I've always trusted you. But you failed my trust just as much as I failed yours. You fucking cheated on me too ! You make it sound like I'm the only who fucked up here but you fucked up too !_ "

Harvey turns around and breathes heavily through his nose.

" _You're right, I should go. Thanks for 'packing' my stuff._ ", Mike says, going back to the bedroom to get his suitcase.

When he comes back to the living room to grab his coat, he sees Harvey sitting on the couch, his head in his hands.

" _Harvey._ ", he says, gently putting an arm around his lover. " _It seems like all we do is hurt each other._ "

Tears are starting to pool in his eyes.

" _Don't go, Mike._ ", Harvey says. " _Please. Stay. Don't leave me again._ "

Mike sees tears falling down on Harvey's lap, little drops of sadness staining his grey pants. He tightens his hold on Harvey's back and rests his head on his shoulder.

" _I make you cry, Harvey. That's what I do. I don't make you happy, I make you sad. And mad. You deserve better._ ", he says, fighting back the tears.

This last sentence seems to put Harvey out of his misery cause he's suddenly looking at Mike, puffy red eyes challenging him. He clears his throat.

" _Ok. This is what we're gonna do. We've got two weeks. Two weeks to figure this out, see if this can go anywhere, if we can make it. What do you think ?_ ", he asks.

Mike smiles softly.

" _Challenge accepted. We talk it through. The whole thing. What happened years ago and what happened... Hum... Recently. And what will happen when I'm back on the road. Let's give it a real try this time, ok ?_ ", he replies, kissing Harvey.

He takes his coat off and runs his hands over Harvey's bare chest. They stand up and head to the bedroom without breaking the kiss. 

" _You're gonna have to let go of me._ ", Mike smiles, his lips brushing Harvey's. " _Unless you plan on ripping my tshirt off me !_ "

And it's enough for Harvey to actually start ripping the black tshirt. 

" _God you're such a show off !_ ", Mike chuckles while Harvey plants soft kisses on his now bare chest.

He kisses his way down to Mike's crotch and gently untucks his belt. He unzips his fly and lowers Mike’s pants down his legs.

" _Did you usually top or bottom with Neal ?_ ", Harvey asks, lifting his head to meet Mike's eyes.

" _What ? Are you really asking me this now ?_ ", Mike replies, taken aback.

Harvey smirks.

" _Yes I am. And I'm not moving again until you answer my question._ ", he says, brushing his hand over Mike's rock hard cock through his briefs.

Mike swallows hard and blushes.

" _You're such a tease Harvey ! Why does it matter ? Why would you want to know that ?_ "

" _Because._ ", he replies, tracing patterns on Mike's belly.

" _Alright you win, I topped with Neal. Not usually. All the fucking time. Happy ? Now please, Harvey, carry on !_ "

Harvey smiles and stops. He settles back on the bed next to Mike and leans over to kiss him.

" _Actually, I wanted to know because I'd like you to top tonight._ ", he whispers in Mike's ear.

Mike moans and kisses him.

" _God Harvey. I'd love that. You have no idea how much I want it._ ", he says, straddling Harvey, his hands placed on his chest as he lowers down to kiss him. It's a passionate kiss, full of need and regrets and memories and love and sadness. Since they got back together, they have found it a lot easier to speak with touches and well placed kisses than with actual words. And today is no exception. 

" _Have you done that before ?_ ", Mike asks, panting.

Harvey shakes his head. Mike takes a deep breath and brushes Harvey's lips with his thumb.

" _Oh God Harvey._ ", he whispers, retrieving the lube jar from the nightstand. 

He settles himself between Harvey's thighs and starts massaging his way through his buttcheeks, keeping a reassuring hand on Harvey's hip.

He then proceeds to gently brush a finger against his entrance. 

Harvey's eyes are wide open and fixing him. He winces when Mike starts inserting a digit but he doesn't say a word.

Mike smiles.

" _Tell me if anything feels wrong or hurts, ok ?_ ", he says, placing a kiss on Harvey's knee.

Harvey nods and tenses when Mike starts inserting a second finger. 

" _Relax, baby."_ , Mike says, crooking his fingers and watching closely to gauge any reaction coming from the older man.

Harvey lets out a huff.

" _Breathe._ " 

Mike carresses his thighs and hips with his free hand. He pushed his fingers deeply into Harvey to massage his prostate. When he does, Harvey nearly jumps on the bed.

" _God Mike..._ ", he moans, his eyes now closed.

Mike does it again and starts to slowly stroke Harvey's cock.

" _I can’t wait to be inside you._ ", he whispers, letting another finger slip in.

Harvey’s lets out a small scream and pushes towards the fingers.

Mike lets go of his leaking cock and removes his fingers. He leans down on Harvey and starts kissing his neck and jaw, leaving trails of saliva.

Harvey starts thrusting against Mike.

They’re both moaning and kissing desperately when Mike finally sits up, kneeling between Harvey’s bent legs. He spread them wider and gives a gentle push on his hips.

" _Come on, lift it up._ », he orders gently, as Harvey lifts his hips to settle on Mike’s lap.

Mike gives his cock a few strokes and places it to Harvey’s entrance. He smiles fondly as he starts pushing inside him very slowly.

Harvey’s shaking a little bit, biting his lower lip.

Mike’s halfway inside, he lowers down to press soft kisses on Harvey’s sweaty chest.

«  _That’s right, baby. Are you ok ?_ », he asks, spreading Harvey’s legs even wider.

Harvey nods and closes his eyes as Mike pushes foward inside him.

«  _Harvey…_ », Mike whispers, shivering.

He gives them both a minute to adjust.

«  _You feel so good, Harvey._  », Mike says, his voice slightly raspy.

Then he starts moving very slowly, his eyes fixed on Harvey’s facial expression to make sure he’s ok. When the older man moans loudly, he starts pounding harder. He puts both his arms under Harvey’s knees and around them for balance. This slightly new angle allows Mike to deepen his thrust and when the head of his cock hits Harvey’s prostate, the older man whimpers, bucking his hips.

Mike knows he’s not going to last very long but he wants Harvey to come first. So he lets go of his legs and starts stroking him hard.

They’re both sweating and panting when Harvey comes in a long and desperate moan, coming all over Mike’s hand.

Mike feels Harvey’s tight hole clenching around him through his orgasm which takes him right over the edge.

He screams Harvey’s name out loud when he comes, both his hands resting on Harvey’s hips, pinning him down.

«  _Fuck, Harvey…_ », he says breathlessly, pulling out.

Harvey smiles.

« _What ? Again ?_ »

Mike chuckles and lies back down on the bed to catch his breath.

«  _We better get cleaned up. Paul could be back any minute._ », Harvey says, pressing a sloppy kiss to his shoulder.


	21. I'm so sorry baby

«  _I wish you could stay…_ », Harvey says, buckling up in the back of a black SUV.

The two weeks are over, Infinite Loop’s going back on tour.

Mike sighs and takes Harvey’s hand.

«  _To the airport._ », he tells the driver. «  _I’ll be back before you realise I’m gone. It’s only for a month._ », he says, brushing his thumb over Harvey’s palm.

They made the best of their two weeks together. They went to a baseball game, ended on the big screen during the fifth inning and all over the Internet the next day. They went to Boston, stayed at Mike’s huge place and enjoyed the freedom of being away from New York and the preying paparazzi. They spent a weekend at Harvey’s cabin in the lake. They played guitar and wrote a couple of songs.

And they talked. They told each other everything that had happened in the last 12 years. They went through Mike’s box of memories, relived their best ones, laughed at the old pictures.

Harvey talked about abandonment, making it big, loyalty, silence and missing pieces.

Mike talked about feeling ashamed and lost, writing love songs and all this time going to waste.

They shared a countless amount of wine and beer bottles, ordered take outs, took long late night strolls holding hands, spent hours kissing and enjoying each other’s body.

Then, just before Harvey’s 39th birthday, the two weeks are over.

«  _A month…  and then ?_  », Harvey asks.

The SUV is making its way through the early New York traffic, pop music playing at moderate level in the speakers.

«  _We have a new single coming out in a couple of months._ », Mike replies. «  _We’ll have to shoot a video and do TV appearances. I have decided I’m taking a break after we’re done promoting._ », he squeezes Harvey’s hand. «  _I’m tired. Exhausted. And my priorities have changed._ »

He cocks his head fondly and smiles.

 

3 hours later, Harvey watches Mike's private jet take off in slow motion. _One month_.

 

 

The day Harvey gets the news, he's scolding his associate for failing to file a patent in time and therefor losing their client a huge chunk of money.

Donna knows it's really not the right time to deliver such a news but there is no ideal time for that anyway.

So she takes a deep breath and straightens her skirt, a feeling of deja vu overwhelming her.

" _Harvey._ ", she says, entering his office without knocking.

She must look almost as bad as she feels because Harvey stops dead in this tirade, waves his associate away and closes the door.

" _What is it ?_ ", he asks, visibly worried.

" _Your Mum._ ", is the only thing she manages to say before breaking in tears, pulling the senior partner in a tight hug.

Harvey doesn't hold her back, still trying to process the news.

Catherine is dead. 

Donna finally lets go of him and leaves the office, wiping tears falling from her eyes.

Harvey stands still for a couple of minutes before grabbing his cell and calling the only other person (with Donna) that he feels he can talk to right now.

" _You've reached Mike. Sorry I can't take your call right now but leave a message and I'll get right back to you._ "

While the answering machine beeps, Harvey clears his throat.

" _Mike... My Mum died. Call me back please._ "

He sends a text to Paul.

" _Heard the news. What do we do ? Is there anything I should do ? Anyone I should call ? Let me know. Love you._ "

He can't call him. Paul has always been close to his Mum. He knows he's devastated, like Harvey was when his father died. But if he can help with the legal stuff and funeral arrangements, he will. 

He lifts his head up and meet Donna's gaze. She nods.

" _Done._ ", she whispers through the intercom.

His phone blips.

" _Call Isabelle. She'll tell you what to do. Stuck in New Mexico on a highly important mission. Am devastated. Will make sure I make it to the funeral. Can't talk right now. Thanx for texting me. Love ya 2._ "

Harvey's heart tightens in his chest. He's sad. Sad for Paul and sad because he never got the time to talk things through with his mother. Aside from the yearly email, ecard or sometimes letter he received from her, they never talked. 

His phone rings, pulling him out of his reverie.

" _Harvey Specter._ ", he says not bothering to look at the caller ID.

" _Harvey, it's me, Mike... How are you holding up ?_ "

Harvey feels his composure slowly starting to crumble hearing his lover's voice.

" _I don't know. I have to call Isabelle to help her organize the funeral, Paul's in New Mexico..._ ", he answers.

" _I'm so sorry baby...._ ", Mike says.

Harvey doesn't say anything. He just listens to Mike's breathing and chews the inside of his cheeks.

" _We're playing in Berlin tonight. Then we have 3 days off. I can make it back in time for the funeral if it takes place soon._ "

Another long pause.

" _Harvey ? Talk to me please._ ", Mike pleads in a soothing voice.

Harvey closes his eyes and sighs.

" _She's gone, Mike. She never met you... I never got to tell her I loved her. Cause I do... I did. I really did, Mike._ ", Harvey whispers, fighting back the tears.

" _I know you did Harvey. And I'm sure she knew it. Paul told her. She knew, Harvey._ ", Mike says. " _Please let me know when the ceremony is settled and I'll be there. Be strong, baby. I'll be there as soon as we're done with Germany._ "

" _Thank you. I'll call you later with the details. Thanx for being there, Mike. I gotta call Isabelle now. I'll talk to you later. Love you._ "

" _Love you too._ "

 

 

By the end of the day, and thanks to Donna's magic powers, the ceremony is planned and the obituary notices printed and sent. 

Harvey emails Mike with the details and pours himself a glass of scotch. 

Donna enters his office and looks at him with a shy smile.

" _Long day, uh ?_ ", she says, pouring herself a big glass.

She toes her shoes off and settles on Harvey's couch.

" _Remember that time, when we had just started working together, when your Mum showed up unannouced at the DA's ?_ ", she asks, taking a big swallow.

Harvey chuckles.

" _Yeah.... I wasn't returning her calls and she got all mad, insulting Cameron cause he wouldn't let her in. She was one of a kind._ ", he says, smiling fondly at the memory.

" _I think it's safe to say you enherited her stubbornness._ ", Donna says.

" _I probably did. And Paul got Dad's patience._ ", he laughs soflty. " _He called back an hour ago, he's going to be able to make it for the funeral. I'd have slapped his boss with a lawsuit if they had not let him go anyway._ "

" _He probably told them so !_ ", Donna says, finishing her glass.

She gets to her feet, puts the empty glass back on the tray and bends down to pick her shoes from the floor.

" _Don't stay too late, alright ? You need to rest._ "

As she's opening the door to leave, Harvey says :

" _Thank you Donna. Thanks a lot for everything. And I don't just mean what you did today. Thank you for being there all the time, for being my best friend._ "

" _Harvey Specter ! I wish I had Louis' dictaphone with me !_ ", she teases, grinning. " _It was no trouble, really. And the least I could do. That's what best friends do, right ? Have a good night, Harvey._ ", she says, leaving.

 

 

The funeral takes place in Montana, where Catherine Specter was born and raised. Where she met Gordon Specter and gave birth to the twins. 

Harvey arrived the day before to make sure everything was taken care of. He slept in his chilhood room. The house wasn't exactly the same as he remembered but they had moved to New York when him and Paul were 5 and a lot had changed since.

He's trying to work the coffee machine when he hears the doorbell.

When he opens the door, he sees Mike and his blue eyes and a small smile on his lips.

He smiles back weakly and lets him in. 

Mike puts his suitcase down and pulls his lover into a hug.

They both sigh and tighten the hug.

" _I'm so glad you're here..._ ", Harvey whispers, his head burried in Mike's neck.

" _I'm glad to be here."_

They stay there hugging for a couple of minutes.

" _Do I smell coffee ?_ ", Mike asks, slowly losening his grip on Harvey.

Harvey pulls out of the hug completely and smiles, embarassed.

" _Well, you should. But the goddamn machine doesn't seem to want to work..._ ", he replies.

Mike takes off his hoodie.

" _Show me the mean coffee machine, I'll try to talk her into making us two cups !_ ", he says, following Harvey into the kitchen.

" _So._ ", he says taking a good look at his surroundings. " _This is the house you told me about. It's nice, I like it._ "

" _Yeah. My parents got married here. It belonged to my mother's parents. It's not exactly New York standard but it's cosy._ ", Harvey replies, handing Mike a packet of ground coffee. " _Ok now, coffee machine whisperer, work your magic !_ "

 

Twenty minutes later, Mike declares defeat.

" _It has to be broken !_ ", he says, washing his coffee stained hands.

" _Whatever you say._ ", Harvey says, stepping closer to Mike and pulling his arms around his waist.

" _Do you realise you've been in this house for almost half an hour and you haven't kissed me yet ?_ ", he says, nuzzling Mike's neck.

Mike turns around and takes Harvey's head in his cold damp hands and presses his lips against Harvey's. 

" _I wasn't sure you wanted me to..._ ", he says blushing.

" _As if I'd ever_ not _want you to kiss me !_ ", Harvey bursts out laughing, pulling the younger man into another deeper kiss.

" _I missed you...._ ", he whispers, his hot breath brushing Mike's parted lips.

" _Me too._ "

They press their foreheard together and just stare at each other when someone knocks on the front door.

" _I'll get it._ ", Harvey says, rolling his eyes.

He opens the door and finds Donna standing, dressed in a pink cocktail dress and pink pumps.

" _What ? You're not ready ?_ ", she asks, entering the house.

" _What ? You are ? Pink, really ?_ ", Harvey replies, eyebrow raised.

" _Pink was your Mum favorite's color._ ", she deadpans. " _It's the dress code. Haven't you read the invite ?_ "

Harvey sighs.

" _Actually no, I haven't,_ ", he replies as Donna hands him two square boxes.

" _I thought so._ "

Harvey's opening the first box when Mike joins them.

" _Mike !_ ", Donna shouts, pulling the young man into a bear hug. " _I brought you matching pink ties. Now you two better get ready, the service is in less than an hour. Shoo, go get dressed !_ ", she orders.

 

The ceremony is a very private affair, only about 20 people are gathered in front of the small church. 

" _Uncle Harveeeyyyy !_ "

Two very similar looking girls run towards Harvey. He smiles and hunkers down to hug them.

" _How are you girls ? You look beautiful ! Which one is Sophie ?_ ", he asks.

" _I am !_ ", says the one in the light pink dress.

Harvey chuckles. 

" _No you're not ! You're Justine !_ ", he says, gently poking her in the ribs.

" _Stop messing with Uncle Harvey._ ", says a very well dressed woman with a slight french accent.

" _Isabelle._ ", Harvey says, kissing her cheek. " _You know Donna. And this is Mike, my partner_."

Isabelle shakes Mike's hand with a genuine smile and hugs Donna.

" _What's a partner, Mum ?_ ", Justine asks, looking at Mike with a queezing look.

" _Well, Mike here is Harvey's boyfriend._ ", Isabelle replies.

" _So two men can be together ?_ ", the little girl says with wide eyes. " _Do you have kids Uncle Harvey ?_ "

Harvey smiles fondly.

" _I'm afraid I don't._ ", he replies. " _I have a lot of hands to shake and you should all get inside._ "

Harvey quickly kisses Mike. " _I'll see you in a bit._ "

 

Once everyone is seated, Paul stands up and nods at the pastor. He climbs the little steps to the altar and settles behind the lectern. He takes a folded paper sheet out of his inner pocket.

" _First of all, Harvey and myself would like to thank you all  for coming today._ ", he says, clearing his throat twice.

Tears start pooling in his eyes. He lifts his head to look at Harvey who nods with a small smile of encouragement.

" _Catherine Cutler Specter was a wonderful mother. She may not have been the best wife, but are we always the best at what we do ?_ ", he pauses. There is a general hum of agreement from the small assembly.

" _She was caring and funny and smart. She was also stubborn and proud. I remember when I told her I was going to join the french SWAT team, she couldn't admit she was going to miss me, so she told me I would hate France and not last a week over there._ ", he says smiling through the tears. " _We will all miss you very much._ " He places a gentle hand on the coffin on his way back to his seat. " _Love you Mum._ "

Mike takes a quick sideways glance at Harvey and sees his eyes are filled with tears. He holds his hand and squeezes it. Harvey doesn't look at him, keeps his gaze straight ahead but squeezes back.

 

After the ceremony, all the guests are invited to Catherine's house where a small buffet has been set up.

Mike is in deep conversation with a teenage cousin of the twins who happens to be a huge fan of Infinite Loop. Harvey smiles when he sees them taking a selfie together.

«  _What should we do with the house ?_  », Paul asks, offering him a glass of champagne.

«  _I don’t know. Would you like to keep it ?_  », Harvey replies.

He has no interest in coming back to Montana anytime soon and if he did, he would not stay in the house.

« _I like it. But I live in Europe… I don’t want to sell it, though. I don’t want it to belong to anybody else._ », Paul replies, absentmindedly.

Harvey squeezes his shouler and nods.

«  _We have time to figure that out._ », he says.

«  _She’s really gone._ »

«  _She is._  »

The twins exchange a knowing look and hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to continue this one... It will stay on because it was my first shot at writing fics and it will always hold a special place in my heart for that but I know it's crap and it would need so much editing to be somewhat decent... Thanks a lot for reading if you have!


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